Chasing Elphie
by fermataoso
Summary: “I can avoid her.” Fiyero lifted his head, face etched in hope. “It’s a big palace. That’ll work, won’t it?" My summer fic challenge
1. Prologue

"No, no. Not that one."

Fiyero lounged his head back on his hands as his wife wiggled out of the tight dress.

"I must have tried half these on already. Are you sure none of them worked?"

He fought to keep a straight face. Truth be told, he loved his private fashion show so much, he kept her changing just to watch her undress. This was the life. "Try that one. Pink goes good with green, right?"

"There. How's this?"

He struck a mock pose of consideration, and then shook his head. "Oh, what about the blue one? It really brings out your eyes."

"Where?"

"Look in the back."

She dug around in the closet. "I don't see it, Fiyero."

"I could have sworn I saw it yesterday. Why don't you look in those boxes on the floor?" He grinned as she bent over to shuffle the boxes around. "Oh well. I guess the silver one will work."

"That's the first one I tried on!"

He flashed a lopsided smile. "I wanted to be thorough."

"Great. Now I'm late." Glinda hurried off to her bathroom, and though Fiyero wasn't allowed in after that cursed hairspray incident, he could imagine Glinda with shiny lipstick and flowery perfume in hand. He closed his eyes. Lipstick should be illegal.

He lost himself in thoughts of beautiful women taunting him with various sexy beauty products, and it seemed no time until the click of her stilettos heralded her return, looking every bit the polished beauty he'd married. She spun in a circle. "How do I look?"

He leapt to his feet to kiss her hand and delivered the expected line. "Simply ravishing." He continued his kisses down her arm, and she giggled.

"Now, now, dearest. We mustn't keep Oz waiting."

He froze his smile in place. "Of course not. Bring on the wolves!"

She crossed her arms. "Fiyero Tiggular, you will not embarrass me. What did we talk about?"

"A positive attitude," he said, though his flat voice carried none.

"And?"

"My duty to Oz."

She adopted the pose he liked to call her lecture point: one hand on her hip as the other stabbed a sharp fingernail at him. "Listen, bub." Oh, no. If she'd already started with the bub, he was certain to have a long night. "It's our duty to keep people's hopes up."

"It's our duty to do everything," he whined. "I didn't ask the Wizard to balloon away. Why do I get stuck babysitting Oz?"

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I mean, 'Yes, dear.' "

She patted his cheek and yanked him out the front door. He straightened his tie with a sigh. Why fight the inevitable?

"Can we at least skip the bubble? It's not exactly the manliest way to travel."

"Fiyero, dearest?"

"Yes, my wife?"

"Shut up."


	2. A Letter

AN: All credit for the great challenge goes to TheSquintiestSquint.

* * *

"I said no pancakes for you!" The chef slammed the plate down in front of Fiyero, two halves of dry toast crusting in the center. Fiyero sighed as the chef stormed out. It was going to be one of those days. He hated toast days.

Glinda sauntered into the kitchen, an envelope in her hand. "We got a letter from Lahrz."

"How is he? They invent some new breakthrough again?" Fiyero scraped some jam along his toast. "I hope Lahrz and Elphie win another of those Novel Science awards. They throw the best banquets."

"You know," she picked up his plate and set it in the sink, "if you could get along with Chef Apby, you could have the whole palace full of the EC's best cooks preparing you-"

"-the finest in Ozmopolitan cuisine. Yes, I know. I've read the guidebook."

She answered with a scowl.

"Oh, admit it. You love when Lahrz accepts their awards, too. All the celebrity, and the accolades, and the shiny shinies." Glinda's eyes glossed over for a moment. "And at the center of it all, our son, the genius."

"That's another thing," she snapped out of her shiny-induced trance. "Why can't Elphie ever go? It's the least she can do when they honor her work."

He shrugged. "You know Elphaba. Nose to the grindstone."

"She could still make an appearance if nothing else. It might make everyone a little less scared of her."

"I think she likes the fear. Who doesn't enjoy a healthy dose of public loathing?"

Glinda didn't laugh. "She could at least let Lahrz come visit more often."

"Now, honey. You know that's his choice. He's an adult now. We have to let him grow up sometime." He gulped at the homicidal glare she leveled at him. "I mean, 'Yes, dear.' His letter?"

Still glowering, she grabbed a knife off the counter, and he let out a high-pitched yelp. He skittered away, tripped backwards over his chair and slammed into the table to land on the floor with an "Oomph".

Glinda leaned over him, knife in hand, and he yelped again. With his feet caught in the upraised legs of the chair and his arms pinned beneath him, he squirmed his upper body to get any sort of leverage.

Which knocked his head into the table leg. The jelly teetered precariously on the edge. It rocked over the edge, and back, and over and back. He blew up at it in a futile attempt to push it back on the table. Oh, why hadn't he closed the cap! The jelly froze in an impossible angle over the table, and then nosedived straight for his face.

He really, really hated toast days.

Glinda rolled her eyes and caught the jelly with her free hand. "Are you quite finished?" He nodded. "Men." She set the jelly down and sliced open the envelope with the knife.

He delivered a sheepish apology as he untangled himself from his position. "You know, why don't you read it to me?"

Glinda shook the paper open. "Dearest Momsy and Pop,"

"If he doesn't marry a girl, it'll be all your fault."

She whacked his arm without looking up. "Hope all is well at home. Elphaba and I are well. She has a new idea for how the interim core of a wand adapts the physical structure of the air it passes through, and if the wavelength to velocity match up-"

"I hate it when he writes all that gobble-de-gook," Fiyero interrupted. "Magic property of this, scientific principles of that, cutting edge of blah, blah, blah. Okay, we get it. You're very smart. Have a cookie."

Glinda stared at him. After a moment, she asked, "Are you finished?"

"Yes, dear."

"If the wavelength to velocity match up with the… Okay, fine. I'll skip to the rest." She skimmed her finger down the page. "If it's not too much of a bother, Elphaba and I would like to come…OH!" She squealed and tackled him right as he'd righted himself. "Oh, Fiyero, they're going to come visit!"

"That's great," he choked out. "I need to breathe."

"I know! I'm excited, too!"

"No, I really need…" he tugged on the arms crushing his trachea, "to…breathe…"

"Oh, sorry." He sat up and rubbed his throat. "Let me see the letter."

"Here."

He flattened the paper that she'd crumpled in her enthusiasm. "Elphaba and I would like to come visit as soon as is convenient. We have an important announcement to make, and we want you to hear it first. Love as always, Lahrz."

"Oh, so much to do! I need to…"

Fiyero zoned out her prattle of cleaning and laundry. Elphaba, back in public after so long. He wondered why. "What kind of announcement do you think it is?"

"It must be about their research. Ooh, I wonder what it is! I hope it's another hair-blower. I know! Maybe one that makes hair curly or straight at the whim of the operator."

"I don't think magical beauty products warrant Elphaba's return from seclusion." He scratched his chin. "Maybe another flying-bus?"

Glinda leapt up. "Whatever it is, it's got to be something fantastified, and I've been hoping for some good news after that whole Munchkin Drug Ring fiasco. This could be exactly what the public needs to lift their spirits."

She whirled around the room, a tornado of action that Fiyero couldn't follow this early in the morning. Not in his pancake-deprived state anyway.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm arranging a press conference, of course." She tapped some buttons of her communication pad to her assistant, another of Elphaba's inventions.

"Hadn't you better clear it with Lahrz first?"

"Oh, I'll write him tonight. It'll be fine."

"But Elphaba's been pretty much a hermit for almost two decades now. Are you sure she'll want to be thrust into the limelight like that?"

Glinda waved a dismissive hand. "Don't be silly. Who doesn't like the limelight?"

"A girl who's already green?"


	3. The Best Laid Plans

Fiyero poured two drinks.

"You should lay off that stuff. It's awful for your liver." Avaric smirked as he accepted his own glass. "That said, have you considered a new life insurance policy?"

"Man, stop trying to sell me that stuff."

Avaric gave a half-shrug. "So your son will be here…"

"Tomorrow, yep. And Elphaba."

"Huh." The ice clinked in their glasses as they pondered the next day. "That was fast."

"Yeah, Lahrz must have written back the same day."

"Fiyero, where are you? There you are." Glinda careened through the room. "Don't forget to check your itineraries tonight. Everything's got to be perfect tomorrow. Are you listening to me?"

He ripped his attention away from the hypnotic ice to nod. "Yep. Itinerary. Got it."

"Oh, I'm so excited, Honeycakes. Lahrz will be home tomorrow. And Elphie, too! Don't stay up too late." She kissed Fiyero's cheek. "Goodnight."

Avaric waited until she left to ask, "You seem a little jumpy. Is it Elphaba?"

Fiyero pursed his lips. "I guess."

"Is she really that intimidating?"

Avaric bent forward at Fiyero's pause. "Yes, but not the way you mean. She's…exhilarating and terrifying and magnetizing all at once."

His friend leaned back. "So she's hot."

"Pretty much."

Avaric gave him a shrewd look. "You sound a little smitten." Fiyero studied his ice. "Are you planning something that I'll be forced to cover up?"

"No! At least, I don't think so. Probably not."

"Oh, Lurline." Avaric held out his glass. "Give me another."

"Don't get me wrong, I love my wife."

"Clearly."

"I do love Glinda. Really. But Elphaba…" He trailed off as his mind was assaulted by a dozen memories at once: her hair in her face, the quirk to her smile, their hands over that damn lion cub. They tore at the wall he'd created around her in his mind. "She's…she's the embodiment of strength and mystery. And she's so beautiful. My perfect woman. She's…"

Avaric adopted a sage face. "The one who got away."

"Yes! Exactly." Fiyero gestured with enthusiasm, which flung newly poured drinks all over the counter. Avaric shook his head and tossed a towel at him.

"And how did she get away?"

Fiyero poured the new drinks and set one in front of Avaric. "I was an idiot."

"Surprising."

"Oh, ha, ha." He downed his and poured another as Avaric raised his eyebrows. "During the Wizard's campaign against her, Elphaba vanished for a time. To avoid the staking and burning and the whatnot."

Avaric's ice rattled in time with the bob of his head. "Naturally."

"Well, anyway. I searched everywhere for her. That's why I became Captain of the Guard. To find her." Fiyero forced himself to sip this third drink. "But she's brilliant, you know. No one could find her if she didn't want to be found."

"And she didn't?"

He stared at Avaric as if the man had gone daft. "Staking…burning, remember?"

"I meant, even by you?"

"Oh." His sips became gulps. "Well, she didn't know my true motives. And I had never broken up with Glinda, what with my-"

"Taffy-like spine?"

"Honor," he grunted at Avaric. "Glinda ambushed me with a surprise engagement, you know."

Avaric chuckled. "I'm sure she did."

"And, well, without any hope of finding Elphaba, I figured…what could it hurt?" He nodded toward Avaric's still untouched second drink. "You gonna finish that?"

"So you married her?" his voice incredulous. "Just like that?"

"It made her happy."

Avaric shook his head in disbelief. "Fiyero, you're right."

Fiyero rattled his ice and frowned at the bottom of his glass. "About the honor?"

"About being an idiot."

Fiyero crossed his arms. "It turns out a few days later, Elphaba got caught at the palace. Something about monkeys. I tried to go with her, but Glinda came in. Then Elphaba saw the band on my finger."

"Ouch." Avaric collected Fiyero's glass and dealt another round of scotch.

"Did you know that Glinda and Elphaba used to be roommates?"

"Yeah? I'd have paid to see that."

"They were close." Fiyero fingered the edge of his wedding band absentmindedly until Avaric caught his eye. He grabbed the alcohol instead. "So when Elphaba saw those rings, she shoved me off the broom, and that was the last I saw of her."

"I had no idea you used to lead such an eventful life."

"Yeah." He held up his glass of scotch and clicked it against Avaric's. "To life as a bachelor. Why the hell did I give that up?"

Avaric sipped his scotch appreciatively, and after a moment said, "So what now?"

"Nothing."

"You're not going to make a play for her? I thought she was the whole soul mate, one who got away, love of your life and whatnot."

Fiyero shrugged. "I'm still married. Nothing has changed, so why would she let me go with her now?"

Avaric's mouth lifted in a wry smile. "True."

"And it's been years."

"Ages."

"So I'll let sleeping dogs lie."

"Lying maybe not the best metaphor at the moment."

Fiyero studied the amber liquid as if he could divine the future. "Besides, I love Glinda."

"Which you've said at least twice."

"So…it'll be fine. I'll see her tomorrow, she'll make her big announcement, and then we'll all go back to the way it used to be."

"Sounds like a plan."

Fiyero tried to visualize it. He just had to be civil to her for a couple days, ignore his feelings. Then he could go back to his brainlessly happy life with a wife who wouldn't kill him for seducing her best friend.

"I'm doomed."

Fiyero discarded his glass to hold his head in his hands, and Avaric returned both glasses to the counter. "Quite probably."

"What should I do?"

Avaric set a hand on his shoulder and adopted his most earnest voice, "Do you have an up to date life insurance policy? I have several I can interest you in."

"I can avoid her." Fiyero lifted his head, face etched in hope "It's a big palace. That'll work, won't it?"

Avaric clapped him on the shoulder. "You can certainly try."

Fiyero dropped his head back in his hands. "So this life insurance policy…"

"Have you ever considered a policy in the millions? I think it would really bring out your eyes."

* * *

Avoidance, always the best plan. Fiyero stretched his neck to loosen his tense muscles. He'd wandered the palace for hours to avoid any chance of human contact so as to guarantee he wouldn't see her.

Another corner would bring him to the kitchen, where he hoped to grab some breakfast to go. Until he heard the footsteps.

His heart pounded. What if this was her? He ducked through the first open doorway he could, and straight into a very solid wall. Must be a closet.

The taps set a crash course right toward him, and he tugged at the door to hide himself. It squeaked, but didn't budge. The taps accelerated.

Great, now he was trapped.

He buried his face in the far wall with renewed respect for ostriches everywhere.

"Fiyero, what in Oz are you doing?"

Even worse. His wife. He turned to face her with his most charismatic smile. "Hi, honey. You look great."

"Why aren't you at the landing site? You were supposed to pick up Lahrz and Elphaba from the sky-bus."

"I was?"

"Didn't you read your itinerary?"

He bit his lip. Oh, no. She was approaching lecture-point. "Of course I did. But I was struck by a sudden need to be near you, and then your beautiful face drove all thoughts of anyone else out of my mind."

"Uh, huh."

"Okay, I forgot. I'm sorry." He hung his head.

"How did you end up in the closet?"

"I…" He bit his lip in a vain attempt to think faster.

Glinda's stern face crumbled. "Are you having doubts again? Is that what this is about? You don't want to pick up Elphaba because you still have feelings for her?"

How did she know? "No!"

Tears welled up in her pretty blue eyes. "Do you still love her, Fiyero? Do you regret…sniff…marrying me?"

Maybe. "Of course not."

"Doctor Hiba said this might happen. He said…"

Stupid therapists. Fiyero pulled her to him and soothed her with a kiss. "Doctor Hiba can kiss my rump. You are my wife, Glinda, and nothing's will ever change that."

"But you…"

"-are a very happy man." He kissed her again. His guilt was rivaled only by a renewed conviction. No matter what he felt when he saw Elphaba, he would control it. He had to.

She sniffled, "You are?"

"I am."

She gave him a sweet, crooked smile, and then pulled out a mirror to repair the microscopic damage to her cosmetics. "Good." She snapped the mirror shut and shoved his shoulder toward the door. "Then go pick them up. And hurry. You're already late!"

"Yes, dear."

How can women do that? He didn't doubt for a moment the sincerity of her tears, but when she flicked her emotions at super-speed, it left him dizzy. He felt disoriented the whole drive until he parked at the landing site.

He stepped into the building, and anxiety crashed down around him like china. He tried to focus on Glinda, to tell himself that it wouldn't be so bad.

Lahrz caught sight of Fiyero through the crowd and waved. His ears filled with the sound of his own heartbeat. This was it. He was about to face Elphaba. Okay. He could do this. He could do this.

He couldn't do this.

He bolted around the corner and pressed his back to the wall. He peeked around the corner to see if he'd been spotted.

"That's odd. I could have sworn I just saw him."

Lahrz took a couple steps in his direction, and Fiyero darted toward the exit. In his haste, he didn't notice the girl until it was too late. He landed flat on his face.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, miss…" He stumbled back up…and stared in shock at the beautiful young girl he'd tripped over.

"Elphaba?"


	4. Accidentally in Love

Fiyero stared at Elphaba for a long moment. His hand darted forward to cup her cheek as he had often done at Shiz. "You look…" He blinked, expecting her face to change, but it didn't. "You haven't aged a day."

"Fiyero." She patted his hand. "You have."

"Gee, thanks."

She let loose a cackle that stopped passersby in their tracks. She shifted her eyes. "What? Carry on." They shuffled away, and Fiyero offered a hand up.

"How?"

"There she is," Lahrz whirled around the corner. "I'd recognize that laugh anywhere. Where'd you run off to?" He noticed his father. "Oh, Pop! I didn't see you."

Fiyero couldn't pull his eyes away from her.

"Um, so shall we go?"

He nodded. Elphaba rolled her eyes and picked up her suitcase, which spurred Fiyero into action again. He traded her luggage for his arm. "How is it possible that you look as beautiful now as you did in school?"

She blushed. "I see you haven't lost your charm."

"Seriously."

"I…found a potion by accident that prevents aging."

Fiyero shook his head "Any other woman I might accuse of fibbing the 'by accident' part, but with you? I believe it." Glinda would be beside herself.

Lahrz joined in the laughter until Elphaba fixed him with an unamused stare. He cleared his throat, "I mean, of course she wouldn't be concerned with anything so petty or vain. She doesn't care about being pretty." Her eyes narrowed. "I mean, she's beautiful enough without it?"

He sent a panicked look to Elphaba, and Fiyero laughed. "I see you've taught my son the most important lesson a man can ever learn."

"Which is?"

"Shut up." He set a hand on his son's shoulder. "Particularly around women. Particularly around _beautiful_ women. That's when all men make the biggest fools of themselves."

Elphaba smirked. "A lesson if I recall you never quite learned."

"I have, in fact." She raised her eyebrows. "Yes, Glinda has taught me somewhat to behave."

"A truly remarkable feat."

"It _is_ good to see you. Very." He wound his fingers with hers, and her face lit up with a genuine smile.

"And you, Fiyero."

"And me, too, I would hope." Lahrz pouted. "I am your own son. You could be happy I'm finally home."

"Yes, yes, of course," Fiyero waved him off, eyes still on Elphaba. "Very happy."

Lahrz grimaced. "Gee, dad. I'm overwhelmed."

* * *

Glinda squealed and launched herself at her former roommate, "Elphab—Ah!" She studied the other girl's face. "You have to tell me your secret. You look stunning!"

Elphaba turned to Lahrz. "This is why I don't go out anymore."

"Oh, Elphaba!" Glinda clasped her friend to her in a tight hug and bounced the both of them up and down in time to her chant. "Elphie, Elphie, Elphie, Elphie!"

Avaric, hands over his ears, snuck out the exit. Fiyero edged in the same direction until the pair bounced a little too hard and tumbled right into him.

Glinda giggled, and with a little help from Lahrz, they stumbled back to their feet. "You're really here! Oh, it's been ages, and I'm so happy to see you!" Then she resumed the bouncy chant.

Fiyero pulled the two apart. "Now, now, dear. Let's not make her sick before she has a chance to sit down."

"I'm so glad you came." She released Elphaba with a final crushing squeeze, and the taller woman leaned back against the wall for support. "I've been dying to talk to you. I can't believe how pretty you look."

"And you, too," Elphaba's voice held that gentle tone reserved for Glinda, and Fiyero felt his heart swell with memories.

Lahrz set down their luggage and grinned, arms wide for his own hug. "Momsy!"

Glinda rushed right past their son to link her arm with Elphaba. "I can't wait to show you the palace and all the decorating I've done with it." The two promenaded right out the door.

"Welcome home, my darling son. I missed you so much," Lahrz mocked in a high voice before pretending to answer back, "Thank you, Momsy and Pop. I missed you, too."

"Get used to it, son," Fiyero clapped the boy on the shoulder. "There's nothing that can come between those two. Like twins separated at birth."

"Great," Lahrz slumped into a chair. "Mom's not going to do that squealing chant thing all week, is she?"

"Quite possibly, son." Fiyero shook his head. "Quite possibly."

Lahrz made a disgusted face and headed off in the direction of his giggling mother and cackling employer.

Fiyero held his head in his hands. What was he going to do? Now that he'd seen her, he knew he couldn't avoid his feelings for her. Not when she looked precisely the same as the day she'd left him. How unfair of her, to step outside of time and torture him with the memory of everything he had lost.

Still, he had to smile.

Leave it to Elphaba to accidentally find a way to accomplish what eons of other women would have killed for: eternal youth and beauty. What Elphaba would have no use for at all.

And she was beautiful. Even more than he remembered. Not to mention her wit, her confidence, her passion. Like her looks, they hadn't dulled in the slightest with time. How could he survive this week with her and _not_ declare his undying love? He challenged any man in his position to do so. It was impossible.

But he loved his wife, who he'd caused more than enough pain to over the years. She didn't deserve this. Oz, he didn't deserve _her_. She brought out the good in him, loved him, and kept him respectable, which should qualify her for sainthood on its own. How could he hurt her?

He leaned his head back against the chair to stare at the ceiling. "I am a very bad man."

"Yes, you are." He bolted up when a voice answered him. Avaric smirked and sauntered over to sit across from him. "What'd you do now?"

"I saw her."

"Yes, I noticed."

"I can't do it, Avaric. I can't pretend I feel nothing for her."

Avaric nodded.

Fiyero thought for a long moment. "I have to talk to her. Don't look at me like that, just talk."

"Uh, huh."

He leapt out of his chair to pace. "I'll tell her how I feel, apologize for the past, and confess that I still love her, but we can't be together. She'll understand. She'll know what to do."

Avaric gave him a patronizing nod. "I'm sure she will."

"Oh, what do you know?" Fiyero scowled. "I happen to think this is a wonderful plan. Why didn't I come up with this sooner? I'm a genius."

"Let's not get carried away now."


	5. Catch Up

Fiyero re-combed his hair for the fourth time until it rested with the perfect degree of shagginess to complement his features. With one final glance in the mirror, he headed toward Elphaba's room.

"Fiyero?"

He winced a smile and spun around. "Glinda! There you are. You look fantastic."

"Uh, huh." She narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you all dressed up?" She leaned forward to sniff him. "Are you wearing cologne?"

"I know how to you love us to make the best impression, so I thought I'd do my part this time."

Her eyes turned into laser-beam lie detectors. "Is that so?" His attempt at a charming smile felt desperate. "And where are you headed, Mr. Best Impression?"

He smoothed his hair out of habit and cursed when he realized he'd undone all his efforts. Her eyes bored into him, deeper and deeper. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

"To talk to Elphaba," he confessed, and then panicked. "And Lahrz, of course. Why wouldn't I want to talk to my son? Yep. To see them both. Well, to talk really. Talk more than see. Who needs to see them when I could see you?" His brain finally managed to get his mouth to shut up.

She held her penetrating eyes on him for an eternity. "Don't take too long. I don't want to run late again today."

"Yes, dear."

He collapsed against the wall as soon as she was out of sight.

Then he scurried down the hall to the guest room. Outside the door, he paused to check his reflection in the hallway's sterling silver vase and fussed with his hair to reset it when Lahrz walked out of the guest room, towel in hand.

"Pop?"

Fiyero jerked up hard enough to tip the vase, and only Lahrz's quick reflects kept the entire arrangement from a watery death on the floor. "Son."

"What are you doing?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" Lahrz gave him an odd look, and Fiyero realized he must have the wrong room. Lahrz's old room must be in the midst of redecorating. He gave a nervous chuckle. "What are any of us doing here, huh?"

"Too existential this early, Pops."

"Yes, well, you know me…" They both frowned. Fiyero was about as intellectual as a tree stump. "Anyway, time for breakfast."

"Actually, there's something I want to talk to you about."

"Yeah? We'll have to get a minute alone sometime, then. Say, have you seen Elphaba?" Fiyero peered over his son's shoulder. If he could get the angle right, maybe he could catch a glimpse of the opposite hallway of the other guest rooms.

"We're alone now."

"Huh? Oh. So we are." When had his son gotten so tall? Fiyero rocked up on his tiptoes. "Have you seen her?"

Lahrz ran an impatient hand through his hair, a tic he'd no doubt picked up from his father. "I think she went down to breakfast already."

"Oh, great. I'd better hurry." He realized how that sounded and added a suspicious, "or they'll be no pancakes left."

"Chef Apby still won't make them for you?"

"Stupid culinary elitist," Fiyero muttered under his breath as Lahrz fell into step beside him. How could he get rid of his son? "You know, I think I saw Avaric headed toward the shower."

Lahrz tensed. "Hey, I got to run, or there'll be no hot water." Fiyero waved him off, and Lahrz jogged to the bath.

Fiyero sprinted down the stairs and to the kitchen. Out of breath, he caught the doorframe. "Elphaba," he wheezed, "what a pleasure to run into you. Good morning."

She gave him a look. "Yes, how unexpected to bump into me in the kitchen at breakfast time. Quite the coincidence, I'm sure."

He managed a weak smile. "So, have you met our illustrious chef?"

Chef Apby charged through the kitchen with a pot of boiling water. He beamed at Elphaba, until he caught sight of Fiyero, and his face contorted into a snarl. "You!"

Fiyero grinned hopefully.

"No pancakes!"

His face fell. "Oh. No, that's alright." He fought to mean it, but he couldn't help himself. "Are you sure?"

"You and this obsession with pancakes! I can't take it anymore!" The chef flung the pot in the sink and stormed out.

"I see you haven't lost your touch."

Fiyero flopped down next to her, and Elphaba slipped a supportive arm around his shoulders. His grin returned full force, until Glinda stormed in. She took a two-second look around the room and rounded on him. "Again? You've chased away Chef Apby again? Why can't you leave that man alone?" She saw Elphaba and beamed. "Morning, Elphie. Sleep well?"

Elphaba smirked at the rapid change, but nodded. "Very."

"Good," Glinda gave a smug nod, and then latched her laser eyes back on Fiyero. He gulped.

"What's for breakfast?" Fiyero mouthed a thank you to Avaric for his impeccable timing.

"Nothing," Glinda snarled. "Fiyero's chased away the chef. Again."

Avaric slouched in the chair opposite him. "I was so looking forward to some crepes. And those little quail eggs. Delicious!"

Fiyero made a face, and Glinda glared at him. He ducked behind Elphaba's shoulder and peeked up right in time to see Lahrz shoot him an odd look as he sauntered in.

"What's for breakfast?" Before Glinda drew a breath, Lahrz scanned the room and exclaimed, "Ah, man! Dad!" He flopped into the chair on Elphaba's opposite side. "No quiche," he complained.

"Or quail eggs," Avaric commiserated.

"I know," Lahrz sat up, excited. "I love those."

"With the cucumber."

"Heavenly."

Their faces melted in imagined ecstasy, and Elphaba leaned over. "Was this chef really that good?"

Fiyero nodded, all puppy dog eyes.

"I feel so left out." He frowned, and she laughed. "Don't worry. I can't miss what I've never had."

"I don't know about that." His eyes wandered involuntarily to her lips, and she blushed.

Glinda pursed her lips. "Who's making breakfast? We need to hurry, or we'll be late. Again."

"Sorry," Fiyero ducked his head, unnerved by the sudden, malicious light in Glinda's eyes.

She crossed her arms. "Since you're the one who chased Chef Apby away, you're the one who has to make us breakfast."

"We're all going to die," Avaric deadpanned.

Glinda kept her eyes pinned to Fiyero, and reluctantly he rose. "How's everyone for cereal?" he suggested weakly.

Elphaba stood beside him. "Come on. I'll help."

"And saved by the beauty." Fiyero shot Avaric a look, but he gestured to Lahrz.

"Not me this time. I think your son's become a charmer."

Fiyero adopted Glinda's patented lecture-point position to scold Avaric. "It's all your fault. You're a bad example for him."

"Me? Like you're so innocent."

"I don't know what you mean. I'm as innocent as the driven snow." Glinda and Elphaba both snorted in unison, and Fiyero stuck his nose in the air. "You're just jealous."

"No, I'm hungry." Elphaba whacked him on the head with a spatula. "Are you helping me cook or not?"

He hopped to attention, and the pair set to work. Fiyero assistance mostly meant staying out of the way, but he couldn't help a smile every time their hands brushed against each other.

"Breakfast," she dished up the colorful concoction, "is served."

"Mmm," Avaric mumbled around a mouthful. "Elphaba, this is delicious."

"I had no idea you were such a good cook," Lahrz's words were muffled as he shoveled the food off his plate.

Fiyero had to admit the eggy concoction was good, but he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. "Looking for these?" Elphaba leaned over with a plate of the most delicious breakfast ever made. His eyes lit up.

"Pancakes! I could kiss you." Glinda turned to stare at him, and he sputtered, "Not that I'm going to, of course. I meant-"

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes. The pancakes. I can see what Chef Apby meant."

Fiyero grinned as he smothered his pancakes in syrup and took a big, sticky bite. Heaven. Yummy gooey fluffy breakfast heaven. He was in love.

Avaric distracted them with, "So, Lahrz, what's it like to work with a premier sorceress?"

"Fantastic," Lahrz face split into a grin. "Everyday I'm astonished by what she can do."

Fiyero turned to a red-faced Elphaba. "And my boy is doing well?"

"Very." She tweaked his nose. "Luckily he doesn't share your peculiar brand of common sense."

"Lahrz? Common sense?" Fiyero scoffed. "It _has_ been a long time."

"So," Avaric gestured. "Entertain us. Regale us with your tale of common sense."

Lahrz and Elphaba shared a look and between the two spun off on a few of their latest experiments. The whole group rocked with laughter by the time Elphaba got to, "And then Lahrz took the tin can out of the chicken's rump and said, 'Now how did that get there?'"

"How did it?"

Lahrz blushed, "Remember…I conjured a fowl of rubber and tin instead of a foul summer wind."

Elphaba rolled her eyes. "You had us repeat it three times, remember?"

Avaric chuckled. "No offense, Fiyero, but you're not very bright, are you?"

"I don't know where Lahrz got his brains from." Fiyero tilted his head and turned a pointed stare toward Avaric. "Hey, wait a minute…you didn't…I mean, you aren't…"

"Of course not," Avaric laughed and skimmed his eyes over Glinda. "Not that I'd have minded."

"Avaric, I tip my hat. You always were three times the ladies man I could ever be."

Glinda jumped up and squeezed her friend in a hug. "Sorry, Elphie, but I have to go. We'll have lunch."

"I better run, too." Lahrz shoveled another mouthful of food and jogged out the opposite door. "Thanks for breakfast," he called over his shoulder.

Fiyero stood to rinse his syrupy plate in the sink when Elphaba slipped past him to the fridge. He realized how close to alone they were. Fiyero caught Avaric's eyes and gave him a pointed stare. Avaric munched on his breakfast with an appreciative sigh. Perfect. Fiyero craned his neck forward in an attempt to intensify his stare.

"Are you okay?" Elphaba asked, and he snapped his neck back.

"Yep. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You looked a little constipated."

He colored. "No, just concentrating."

"Don't work your brain too hard," she teased. "You don't want to pull something."

Fiyero winced a grin, and she went back to the dishes. He returned his attention to his best friend turned chaperone. Avaric finally looked up again, and Fiyero jerked his neck to the door. Avaric tilted his head. 'What?' he mouthed, and Fiyero pinched his lips together and jabbed his finger toward the door.

Avaric's eyebrows drew together.

"Oh! I mean, ahem." He cleared his throat. "I should get moving. Elphaba, it was a pleasure. You can cook for me anytime."

Elphaba waved him off.

"Want some help?" Fiyero adopted his smooth voice. She nodded. "You wash, I'll dry?"

"Sounds like a plan."

He struggled to break the tension before he blurted out his eternal affection. "I hear you're a shoe-in for the new Novel Science award."

She made a face. "I hate those things. I'm so glad Lahrz doesn't mind going to them alone."

"I wouldn't mind seeing you at them."

She set down a soapy plate to pat his hand. "I wouldn't mind seeing you, either. It's more the everyone else with the staring and the 'why doesn't she age' bit that becomes somewhat tedious."

"Ah, the burden of endless beauty."

"You should know." He looked up at her in surprise, and she blushed. "Oh, don't pretend you weren't acutely aware of your good looks in school. I seem to recall you had more than enough arrogance about them."

"And you had far too little for yours."

Their hands touched, and the shock that passed through caught Fiyero off guard. The wet bowl slipped right out of his hand and shattered, shrapnel flying at ankle level across the floor.

"I'm starting to think you're an accident waiting to happen."

"Cursed, and proud of it."

They dropped to their hands and knees to sweep up the pieces, and he leaned over to remove a shard of ceramic from next to her palm before she cut herself. She bent down at that precise moment, and their heads knocked together.

"Sorry." He rubbed the bump on her head, and she sat back with a wince. "Curse, remember?" She tilted her head into his hand.

"Oh, Fiyero," she giggled. "You are most certainly unique."

He rested his forehead to hers. "I missed you."

"I…"

"Elphaba!" They spun around to see Nessarose hurtling through the doorway. "Why didn't you-Ah!" She squinched up her face to peer at Elphaba. "You look..."

Fiyero could see why Elphaba avoided this. His words pressed into a rush of air. "She invented a potion by accident to never age."

"Well." Nessa's face pinched into that familiar look of condescension that Fiyero knew her best for. "That seems so…unnatural."

"It was an accident," Elphaba pointed out. "And you didn't mind unnatural so much when I made you those shoes."

Nessa frowned. "Where have you been? You don't visit, you don't write. I didn't even know you were here until Glinda wrote me."

"Glinda?" Elphaba blinked.

"Yes, she," Nessa stressed the word for maximum guilt, "actually stays in touch with me. Like a good friend. Almost like a sister, though clearly not mine. Mine might as well be in a cloister for all I hear."

"Good to see you, Nessa. Always a pleasure." Fiyero couldn't hide the sarcasm. "Where's you attaché?"

Nessa glanced over her shoulder. "Boq, dear. What on earth is keeping you? Hurry up."

A clang startled Elphaba, but before Fiyero had time to explain, Boq marched into the kitchen. "Fiyero," he inclined in a stiff nod. "Elphab-Ah!"

"I'm beginning to think that's my new name," she confided, and Fiyero smirked.

"Elphie, you…you look exactly the same!"

She grimaced, "So do you." Boq's smile faded.

"Boq, my metal amigo, how is life amongst the squishies? Steamroll anyone yet?" Fiyero taunted, but Boq didn't acknowledge his insults.

"You never found a way to…" she swallowed, "reverse it or something?"

Nessa scowled. "You can't reverse spells, or don't you remember?"

"But you can work around them sometimes."

"We wouldn't know. The best sorceress we know couldn't be bothered with a little matter like her brother-in-law's tin-ness."

A pretty young version of Nessa walked through the door, and Elphaba blinked.

Nessa raised herself to her full height, "Elphaba, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Gemamarianne-Rosalie. Sweetheart, this is your Aunt Elphaba. The one we were discussing on the way here."

"And every day since I was born," she muttered under her breath and stuck a hand out to Elphaba. "You're younger than I thought. Nice to meet you."

"And you, Gemamarianne…um…"

"Please, call me Gema. Everyone else does, except my mum."

"Thanks," Elphaba sighed in relief. She turned back to Nessa. "You have a daughter? Why didn't you tell me?"

Nessa adopted a haughty expression. "Perhaps I would have if you'd actually kept in touch."

"I can't believe my baby sister has a daughter, and with Boq!" Boq clanked back in with their luggage hanging from head and hands.

Fiyero leaned over to whisper in Elphaba's ear, "And believe me, that is a night I really don't want to picture."

"Yes, well, I'm sure Gemamarianne-Rosalie would love to get to know her aunt after these long years of absence. Come along so we can catch up."

Lahrz passed by the open doorway, and Elphaba leapt up. "Lahrz!" He turned, and she latched onto his arm eagerly. "Didn't you say we needed to get to work on that thing? Sorry, Nessa. I would love to, really, but fate of the free world and all that. Maybe later." She steered a flabbergasted Lahrz right back through the door.

"So much for alone time," Fiyero sighed under his breath. "Breakfast? There's cereal."

Boq creaked as he stood up and stretched. "I think I'll go find," his eyes flicked to Nessa, "um, our rooms. Alright, dearest?"

Nessa nodded, and Boq sprinted out of the kitchen as fast as his locked-kneed tin legs could take him. Gema flopped down at the table and took a bite of apple. She chewed on it with a distant smile, leaving Fiyero one person to get rid of before he could find Elphaba and renew his mission.

Nessa pursed her lips. "Now, Fiyero, where is your wife? You must take me to her so we three can talk."

He bit his lips together. Forecast called for a ninety percent chance of Nessa, with a strong boredom blowing in out of the East. No time with Elphaba expected in the near future, but a possible forty percent chance of annoying Glinda until she sent him away.

A devious smile lit up his face as he gestured for Nessa to lead the way.

Perhaps, a change in the weather…


	6. Schemes

AN: Thanks for all the reviews. You guys are awesome!

Speaking of awesome, check out TheSquintiestSquint's version of this challenge, Same Song, New Verse. It's fantastic! /s/5325269/1/Same_Song_New_Verse

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"There you are," Nessa perched by Glinda's desk. "Well, come on Fiyero. Don't hover in the doorway."

"Men." The two women clucked at him, and he slouched his way in. Another happy morning wasted.

"How are you, Nessa? I'm so glad to see you could make it."

"Thank you so much for telling me she was here. My own sister, and she can't invite me to come visit." Glinda patted Nessa's hand with a sympathetic smile, but Nessa shook her head. "I'm not here just to see Elphaba, though."

"Oh? What is it, dear?"

They didn't seem to need him for this part, so he snuck toward the exit. Nessa huffed and stomped hard on his foot.

He sat back down.

"I need to talk to you both. About our children."

"Our children?"

Fiyero interjected, "Whatever Glinda decides is fine with me. If you ladies don't mind, I'll…" He half-rose from his seat. Glinda fixed her icy stare on him, and he clicked his teeth shut. "..stay here and keep quiet."

Fiyero folded his arms as he sat back down and pouted.

"I wish you were my sister, Glinda, instead of Elphaba. She doesn't even talk to me," Nessa complained. "She's always hiding in the lab. She never thinks of anyone but herself."

"Pot," Fiyero coughed, "kettle."

"Oh, Nessa. Don't say that. Elphaba loves you. You know she does."

"I know. But what if we could be family, you and me."

Glinda blinked. "What do you mean?"

"What I propose," Nessa smiled, "is a proposal."

Glinda stared at her for a moment, as if wondering which was one of them had gone daft.

Nessa gestured toward the door, "Between your son, and my daughter."

"Gema? Marry Lahrz? I didn't know they'd been dating. This is exactly why I wish he would visit more often."

Fiyero attempted to calm her before Glinda worked herself into a tizzy. "They haven't. In fact, I'm not sure they've even met before."

"Oh?"

"Well," Nessa flattened her lips that so longed to pucker. "Of course they haven't gotten much time together, what with Elphaba keeping him locked away in that lab with her all the time."

"That's true." Glinda thought a moment. "And they would look adorable together."

"You could say they belong together."

"Do you think?"

Nessa nodded, a lizardish coolness in her eyes. "They only need a little push."

"I suppose." Glinda pressed her lips together. "And it's not like we'd force them."

"More… matchmaking."

Nessa pressed her lips into a smile. "Exactly."

Glinda clapped her hands together and cooed, "Oh, I can't wait to plan their wedding."

Lahrz, married? Fiyero suddenly felt very old. He wrinkled his nose when the picture of Elphaba from this morning popped in his head, and a creepy sense of pedophilia filled him. But he reminded himself that she just looked young. It wasn't disturbing at all.

Then why did he feel like he was in the midst of a mid-life crisis?

"Then they can have sweet, little babies together," Glinda beamed. "Oh! Fiyero, aren't you excited? You could be a grandfather soon!"

Oh yes. That'd be why.

"Little grandbabies to love and spoil."

Nessa beamed. "Not to mention, we wouldn't have to worry about our children getting up to any trouble. This is always the worst age for that. They'd be far too busy with their marriage to do anything too drastic."

"It's perfect." Glinda bounced over to sit beside Nessa and leaned their heads together. "Do you think they'll like each other?"

"Of course they will. Why wouldn't they? Your son is a handsome, strapping young man, and my daughter is a lovely, charming young girl."

"True." Then Glinda squealed again and squeezed Nessa to her. "We'll be moms-in-laws!" He wouldn't have believed it possible had he not witnessed it, but she managed to squeal louder. "Ooh! That means Elphie would be my sister-in-law. Wait, my cousin-in-law. My…" She frowned and waved her hands in the air to trace the family tree.

"Mother-in-law to Gema's aunt." Glinda blinked at her. "We'll simplify to sister-in-law-esque."

Glinda whirled Nessa around. "I'm thrilled! We've got to get started right away."

"Why don't we?"

"Oh. Alright? What could we do? It can't be too obvious, or Lahrz will never go for it. He's still mad about that pretty little heiress I tried to fix him up with."

"Perhaps the first step would be to get them alone together."

"Good luck with that in this house," Fiyero muttered under his breath.

Glinda clapped her hands together. "I know! We'll put them in charge of seat assignments for the reception following the press conference."

"What is this big announcement anyway?"

"Something about their research. He didn't really say." Glinda's eyes found the clock. "Fiyero, dearest, do you mind hearing the cases today without me? I've got to go help Nessa set up our children."

"Of course."

The two women scampered off to meddle, and Fiyero hoped their schemes kept them busy until he got a chance to talk to Elphaba.

The clock chimed, and he sighed. Elphaba would have to wait. He raced off to the courtroom and arrived in the nick of time to hear the first case.

The day passed in a string of mediocre cases with obvious solutions. Only twice did he need to debate what actions to take, and he felt pretty confident in his choices. It seemed, pancakes or not, this day would be as uneventful as his typical toast days.

Until Elphaba slipped into the room, her eyes bright.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

The petitioner stuttered, "Oh, uh, which part?" The poor guy dropped his notes.

"What was that last bit about the apple?" Fiyero struggled to concentrate, but he felt his attention drawn elsewhere. He managed to come up with a decent decision and adjourned the court early for the day.

"What are you doing here?"

"Lahrz disappeared. I heard you were judging, and I had to see that," Elphaba knocked into his shoulder. "I've been here for a few hours, but that jerk kicked me out of the press area."

"And how'd I do?"

"I have to say, Fiyero. I'm impressed. You've really changed."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, a couple of those decisions were downright wise."

He clasped his hand to his chest, "Be still my heart. Can it be true? Is Elphaba complimenting me?"

She leaned closer, "And on your wisdom, no less."

"I've died and gone to Heaven." He bent his head down toward her lips.

She chuckled, "I doubt I'd be there, then."

"Oh, I disagree." He caught her chin, his words as soft as her perfect skin. "You're an angel if ever I've met one."

"Fiyero," she started, but a cacophony of shrill voices erupted in the foyer beyond the open door.

He rested his forehead against hers and chuckled. "School group. What are the odds?"

Then they were invaded – little people everywhere, and not munchkins. Their bedraggled teacher attempted to herd them through the room with some semblance of order or education, but they ignored her lectures with ease.

She caught sight of them, "Oh, Captain Tiggular!" He winced. Would he never live down those days? Elphaba beside him stiffened. "If you're not too busy, would you mind-"

"Not at all." He stepped forward, and the young teacher gasped at the view of Elphaba, who paled. "But perhaps now is not the best time. I'll tell you what. If you don't mind waiting a minute, I'll send my press secretary down to take you all on a guided tour."

As they headed back to their part of the castle, they reminisced about their glory days at Shiz. "I still can't believe that hat Glinda got me to wear is a national icon now."

"I can't believe that dance you two did." She collapsed into his side with laughter. "I mean, were you mimicking monkeys? Or at least under the influence of some very powerful mushrooms?"

"Oh, hush. Not everyone can dance through life with the skill of a Vinkan prince."

"Yes, well, I knew then that you were utterly and completely …"

She gazed up at him, "What?"

"Insane," He tugged on her braid. "But in the best possible sense."

"That's what Lahrz always says. He calls me brilliantly nuts."

"You know, I think my son has a little bit of a crush on you." He slipped his hand to the small of her back. "Not that I blame him, of course."

Elphaba winced. "About that…"

"There you are!" Nessa's voice rang out, and Elphaba tried to duck behind him.

"Quick, hide!"

He tugged her after him toward the back hallway. "Follow me."

They wound through the corridors at an alarming speed. He whirled around the corner and shouted when he saw Nessa descend right in front of him, his whole future evaporating into a sea of nagging.

Then Elphaba burst into laughter, and he saw that what he'd thought of as Nessa had been, in fact, a stuffed mannequin.

"Why do we even have that? What possible use do we have for a lifelike Nessa-shaped mannequin?"

Elphaba doubled over to clutch her stomach, and Fiyero had to grab her hand to yank her after him. They careened toward the study in less stealth, what with Elphaba's shrieking laughter and Fiyero's cursing.

Avaric stood up in alarm when they entered. "Is everything alright? What's happened?"

"Yep. Just dandy." Fiyero ran a hand through his hair, and Elphaba collapsed in giddy giggles into a recliner near the window. "It's been ages since we had such a proper game of hide and seek."

This sent Elphaba back over the edge, and her cackles had Avaric amazed. "How on earth can such a thin, pretty girl make such a loud, awful sound? And for so long?"

"I told you she was special."


	7. Cut the Mustard

Fiyero shot Avaric a meaningful stare.

"Well, I think I'd better go, um, " Avaric stalled, "water the lawn." Elphaba gave him an odd look. "Unless you're in need of some quality life insurance coverance…"

"He's kidding." Fiyero grabbed Avaric by the shoulder and steered him to the door.

Fiyero's glare bounced right off Avaric. His friend blinked. "What? You can never have enough-"

Fiyero huffed and half-shoved his friend out the door – and into his son.

"Hey, Lahrz," Fiyero feigned a casual air. "What brings you here?"

"Dinner."

"Then you're a little turned around, son."

Lahrz didn't look amused. "Mom wants everyone there at once."

"Guess the lawn will have to wait," Elphaba smirked as she pushed her way between the two men to link arms with Lahrz. "You look chipper."

Lahrz grimaced. "I got to spend this lovely day slaving over detailed seating arrangements, only to have Mom giggle and have me redo them. Apparently it's quite the faux pas to seat a Gillikin reporter next to an editor from the EC."

"Was Glinda upset?"

He sighed, "Worse. She thought I was 'adorable.'"

Elphaba tweaked his nose. "And you are!" His glare just encouraged her. "Who's the cute little boy. Who's the cuddly little-" Lahrz cut off her coos with a hand over her mouth, his face close.

"That's enough out of you."

Fiyero couldn't help a sudden stab of jealousy toward his son at the ease in which they connected. Of course, it was to be expected, working together so long. But Fiyero still longed to have her comfort and distract him after a long day like that.

Well, maybe not exactly like that. She might lack a few more clothes.

Lahrz had relaxed into a better mood by the time they'd reached the kitchen, and Fiyero knew better than to sulk. Boq seemed to have the corner on that market as he moped next to Gema at the table.

"Finally," Gema said, "someone happy to talk to. No offense, Daddy."

Boq grunted. They milled around the table, all aware of Glinda's propensity for obsessive order and too afraid to make the first move.

Boq leapt out of his chair as Glinda and Nessa walked in. He held out the chair next to him with a flurry of facial expressions Fiyero recognized from school. "Miss Gl-"

"Thank you, dear," Nessa said in an offhand manner as she lowered herself into the chair.

Boq stared at her for a moment, and with a straight face he abandoned his chair between wife and daughter for Nessa's other side. He shot Glinda a hopeful look, but she missed it, her attention locked on her son.

"Lahrz, your seat is right here, dear," Glinda patted his arm and shoved her son into the seat next to Gema.

Gema offered him the bread. "Fancy seeing you again." Lahrz offered a weak smile and grabbed the bread to slather butter on it, a classic sign of his stress.

Nessa and Glinda shared a look and giggled in what they thought was a subtle manner. It wasn't.

Elphaba took the seat by Lahrz, and Fiyero threw himself into the seat beside her. Unfortunately, this sent Glinda sliding onto the floor as she'd been trying to sit there at the same time. "Oh, sorry dear."

He offered her a hand up, but she stood herself, dusting off her dress. Glinda took the seat on Fiyero's other side, which happened to be right next to Boq. Boq perked up at that, a broad smile on his metal face.

"I suppose this seat is for me?" Avaric took the seat vacated by Boq.

Gema laughed. "That's why I always get to the table first. It's less dangerous that way."

"So, don't you think weddings are the happiest times?" Nessa directed a wink toward Lahrz and Gema, and Glinda tittered.

"All the shiny, pretty things, and the flowers, and the romance." She grinned, and Boq mesmerized. "I just love all the…love!" Fiyero shot a sympathetic look at his son, who looked downright green.

As did Elphaba, but that was hardly news. Though, she did look a little greener than usual.

Fiyero focused on finding some excuse to get Elphaba alone. They passed the food around, and Fiyero grinned. "There's no mustard."

Elphaba stared at him. "And this makes you happy?"

"Of course not," a dopey smile plastered on his face. "We'd better get some from the pantry. Elphaba, you want to come with me?"

Glinda hushed him. "No, no. Elphie, you don't need to bother with that. Not after breakfast this morning. You've done plenty already."

Nessa interjected, "I'll go with you, Elphaba." Elphaba raised her eyebrows.

"I didn't know I needed to go."

"Don't be ridiculous. Come on."

Avaric caught Fiyero's panicked look, perfectly mirrored by Elphaba's. He turned to his left. "Miss Nessa, do you feel you have adequate coverage to protect your loved ones in the event of your demise."

"Demise? What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing." Avaric held up his hands. "You never know when these things might happen. Tornados, earthquakes…the world is full of potential disasters if you think about it. Lurline, a house could fall right out of the sky and crush you."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Of course not. It never hurts to be prepared. We offer several policies that I think might interest a woman of your unique intelligence."

Nessa narrowed her eyes, and Fiyero took the opening to tug on Elphaba's sleeve. "Come on. Let's get out of here before Nessa notices." She nodded and scooted her chair back to stand.

Glinda cast wide eyes around the table. "No! Elphie, you're our guest. Lahrz can go."

"What am I? Chopped liver?" She directed her best maternal stare at him, and Lahrz sighed. "Fine. This is exactly why I don't come home often."

Boq cleared his throat. "Miss Glinda, I would be happy to accompany you to get the mustard."

"Me?" she turned to face him surprised. "Oh, that's, um, so very kind of you."

"I think that's a great idea," Elphaba seconded, and Fiyero grimaced.

"No!" Nessa whirled on Boq. "Elphaba and I need to go. You don't need the mustard. Why are you sitting here anyway? You're made of tin! You can't even eat!"

They all started arguing over each other about who should go and who should stay. Gema grinned and passed the turkey to Avaric, eyes bright.

The arguments grew louder until Lahrz shouted, "How about we all stay here? It's just mustard!" Shocked, the room fell quiet. "Now. Since we're all here, Elphaba and I have an announcement to make."

Elphaba paled. "No, we don't."

Lahrz turned to face her. "Yes, we do."

"We can wait until the press conference tomorrow."

Glinda nodded. "Elphaba's right. It'll seem more dramatic that way, dear."

Lahrz pressed his lips together. "I think you all should know first."

Elphaba pasted a smile on her face with a nervous laugh. "No, they shouldn't."

"Yes, they should."

"No, they shouldn't."

"Yes, they should!"

"No! They shouldn't!"

Avaric sighed, "Oh, for Oz's sake."

But Gema shushed him, "Sh! This is getting good. Pass the yams."

Elphaba gripped Lahrz's arm in a viselike grip that belied the calm in her voice. "Lahrz, do you mind coming with me to get the mustard real quick?"

"Oh, no," Gema groaned as she leaned toward Avaric to mutter. "Not the mustard again."

"Welcome to my world."


	8. Revelations

AN: In honor of Squintiest's fantastic update to Same Song, New Verse and all of your wonderful, gracious reviews, I thought I'd post a short chapter early. Hooray for holidays!

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Fiyero thought he might faint. He owed Avaric so many favors now the man could ask him to fetch ice from the moutains of the Great Kells. He glanced across the library at Elphaba, book in hand, and gave Avaric the thumbs up. His friend swung the door shut and took his position as guard outside.

"Alone at last," Fiyero adopted a mock sleazy tone. "I can't believe it." Elphaba laughed, but her shoulders stayed tense. "Look, I'm sorry about the crazy dinner."

"I figured that was normal around here."

He smiled. "Nope. You get the special treatment."

"Do I? Lucky me."

Fiyero swallowed. "It's because you're so special." She stiffened at the change of tone in his voice, but he pushed on. "Do you remember that day in the throne room?"

She nodded hesitantly.

"I think about that day often." Their faces inched closer.

She blushed and whispered, "Me, too."

"All the time, in fact," he confessed. She bit her lips. His eyes wandered down to them. His breath caught. Her shoulders tightened, and he lost his nerve, stumbling over his thoughts. He sighed. "This is hard."

Elphaba sighed in relief. "Yeah, it really is."

"It used to be so easy to talk to each other." He shifted to the seat beside her, and they stared out at the window, his head resting against hers. "I haven't felt this awkward since…"

"That day with the…?"

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a moment until Elphaba bolted upright in her seat. "I'm glad we have a chance to talk, though." She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. "Fiyero, there's something I have to tell you," she blurted out at the same time he said:

"Elphaba, I have to tell you something."

They both laughed, but with an edge of hysteria. Elphaba tried again, "Okay, well, I've got to try to say this. You know how sometimes you think you know what the right thing is to do, but you can't seem to help feeling the way you feel, even if it's for someone you really shouldn't feel that way for, but you can't stop feeling it even though everything remotely logical in you is screaming for you not to because this person is so incredibly off-limits that it defies imagination?"

"I know exactly what you mean." Fiyero relaxed. She wanted him, too. That's all that mattered.

"You do? I think that was the most nonsensical thing I've ever said."

"No, I completely understand." Fiyero laughed. "It's still better than I was about to phrase it."

"I was so worried that-"

"Yeah, me too."

Elphaba fell back against his shoulder. "I'm so glad you understand, Fiyero. This makes it so much easier."

The door flew open, and Elphaba lifted her head off his shoulder to turn around. "Lahrz."

His son stormed up to Elphaba, Nessa in pursuit towing an eye-rolling Gema by her elbow, the pretty young woman so painted with Galinda's makeup that she resembled a clown. His poor son had a large smear of lipstick across his cheek as if Gema had been shoved at him lips first. Elphaba and Fiyero stood to meet them.

"I can't do this anymore," Lahrz announced, and he grabbed Elphaba's hand. "Can we please just tell them?"

Elphaba eyed his lipsticked cheek and smiled. "Fiyero knows. It's fine."

Glinda ducked into the room and leaned her back against the door. Then she noticed her audience. "Hi." She glanced around, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Fiyero blurted out as he slipped his arm from Elphaba's waist. He nodded toward the door. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," her voice squeaked.

"Glinda?" A loud bang resounded through the door, making Glinda leap away in surprise. "Glinda, are you there?"

She blushed and, with a look at the roomful of witnesses, opened the door. "Hi, Boq. Come on in. We were all just doing nothing together."

"Actually, Momsy," Lahrz cleared his throat. "Elphaba and I have an announcement to make."

"Oh, Oz," Gema winced. "Not again."

Elphaba shared a long look with Lahrz, took his hand, and smiled. "Lahrz and I are engaged."

"Engaged?" Fiyero repeated the word, but it refused to sink in.

"Momsy, Pops," Lahrz grinned. "I'm getting married."


	9. Desperate Times

AN: Thank you all for the many reviews. You are all beyond awesome.

* * *

"Married?" Fiyero stared at the pair in disbelief. "Married how?"

"See, when a boy and girl love each other very much…" Avaric started, and Gema flopped against him laughing, a trail of smeared lipstick and powder in her wake. He looked down at her, and leapt away with a shout. "What in Oz happened to you?"

Gema made a face, but Nessa's eyes shot daggers at Lahrz as she interjected, "Love."

"Married?" Fiyero repeated, shaking his head.

Glinda hurled herself onto Elphaba with a shriek. "You're getting married! To Lahrz! Ooh, I get to plan a wedding!" She bounced up and down in a flurry of curls. "Oh, Elphie, we'll be family."

Fiyero felt a stab of total dismay. Elphaba would be his daughter-in-law. He scrubbed at his eyes. This was terrible. Downright catastrophic.

Having lost her only ally, Nessa deflated. She patted Gema's arm. "I'm sorry it didn't work out, my sweet."

Gema shrugged. "It's fine. I don't care, either way. He just has a cute tush."

Lahrz shifted uncomfortably, but Elphaba laughed. "That he does." He caught her hand before she could give said tush a smack.

Fiyero suppressed a strong urge to vomit. Then Lahrz pulled Elphaba to him for a quick peck, and as their lips connected, Fiyero couldn't stand anymore.

He bolted out the door.

Too much.

It was just too much.

He lost himself for several hours in wandering the halls. What in Oz was he supposed to do now? Never in a million years would he have expected this. From Avaric, maybe, but never his son. He found himself at his own door and planted his face in it.

His old flame was marrying his son. His son. Ugh. He'd fantasized about his future daughter-in-law. Kumbricia must have a special place in her heart just for him.

He shuffled inside and poured himself a drink. Normally Fiyero hated to drink alone, but desperate times called for desperate liquor.

Before he could lift the glass to his lips, a knock came at the door, and Fiyero sighed. He shuffled to the door and flung it open without a word to acknowledge his visitors.

"Fiyero," Elphaba said, "are you alright?"

"Yep."

"Can we come in?"

"Yep."

As they came inside, Elphaba dropped Lahrz's hand, and Fiyero stared at it miserably. He cursed every entity he could imagine for allowing this to happen, including himself. Elphaba shifted in the silence, wrapping her arms around herself. Did Lahrz hold those arms? Wrap himself around her when she hurt? Rub her back and...Ugh! Now he was fantasizing about his son molesting Elphaba. Where was a good eye-gouging when one needed it?

"Well, are you going to talk to us?"

"Nope." Fiyero shuffled to his favorite chair.

Lahrz huffed. "Why are you mad at us, Pop? Shouldn't you be happy? Your son's marrying a beautiful, brilliant girl."

Elphaba hushed him. She crouched in front of Fiyero and rested a hand on his knee. "I thought you knew," she whispered. "I thought you understood."

He stared up at the ceiling as if the answer was written up there. "I thought I did, too. But I obviously didn't." How could he have been so wrong?

"Oh, come on, Pop. Don't be mad. I know she's your friend from school and all, but I love her." Lahrz tried to catch his father's eyes. "The heart can't help the one it loves."

Oz, did he ever know that.

Lahrz shifted at his father's silence. "Please, can you be happy for me? I finally found a girl that makes me a better man. And she wants to marry me."

"Marriage," Fiyero muttered harshly. What good ever came out of marriage? Nothing but regret, and traps, and lost opportunities. Well, and perhaps a better wardrobe.

"I know I said I never wanted to marry, Pop, but, surely you can understand. Wasn't it that way with Momsy?"

Fiyero couldn't help a bitter smirk. "Your mother didn't give me much choice in the matter."

"Oh?" Elphaba head snapped up. "What do you mean?"

Fiyero met Elphaba's eyes, oblivious to Lahrz's presence now. "She surprised me with our engagement, and you know how Glinda is."

"So you…"

"I didn't know if…"

"You mean you didn't…"

His grimace dissolved into a sad smile. "Of course I didn't."

Lahrz stared at them both for a long moment, confused at the way Elphaba's face had melted with his father's nonsensical words. "Oh...kay, well. Anyway. You've said that Momsy tamed you, right, Pop? She changed you for good."

He jerked a nod.

"Well, I have, too…changed."

Fiyero shut his eyes at the flow of memories. Elphaba, her hand on her heart in relief as she'd confessed her fear that he'd changed.

And his own confession that he had. Why hadn't that day happened before his monumentally stupid wedding? So much could have been different. His heart shuddered under the weight of the past, and all his unfulfilled love for her flooded through the dam he'd fought to control it with.

"For the better, I think. Just think about it, Pop. I'd really like your blessing."

Fiyero rubbed his temples. "I'll think about it." He'd think about nothing else.

They slipped out, and Fiyero rested his head on the back of the chair. This couldn't be happening.

The father in him wanted his son to be happy, and he knew his reaction broke his son's heart. But what could he do?

His face contorted at the thought of seeing Elphaba everyday with someone else, losing her all over again each day, and having to smile about it. She'd be at every holiday, every family gathering…Lurline, every third Sunday knowing Glinda. And he'd have to watch her love Lahrz when it should be him.

It wasn't fair. How could Elphaba make him a deeper, better person, and then not be with him? She should have left him shallow.

He flopped back on the bed, face-first.

Hadn't he done his part? Hadn't he grown and stopped dancing through life? Hadn't he played his role with Glinda without complaint all the years? Okay, well, with only minimal grumbling.

He deserved to be happy, too, didn't he?

Lahrz was young. He could find another girl to connect with, one more his own age. And Elphaba had to feel the same. He hadn't imagined the chemistry between them.

Fiyero sighed. Lahrz was right; the heart couldn't help the one it loved.

Fiyero sat up, decided. He would win her back. He would be with Elphaba at last.


	10. Defeat

Fiyero woke the next morning, praying it had all been a dream, but somehow he didn't think he was that lucky.

He forced himself out of bed. His new mission: to woo Elphaba from Lahrz.

He hadn't dated in a while, but he remained confident in his abilities. He was Fiyero, after all - the scandalacious prince that enchanted the pants off many girls at universities across Oz. And that wasn't an expression.

Fiyero sauntered into the kitchen. Ignoring Chef Apby, he strode to where Elphaba stood washing carrots and hovered behind her.

"There you are," he cooed. "I've been looking for you." She glanced over her shoulder, and he smoothed on a crooked smile. "How you doin' beautiful?"

She smirked. "What's wrong with the other side of your face?"

"Nothing." His smile faltered, but he pressed on and leaned closer. "Where have you been all my life?"

She turned back to the carrots. "Did you hit your head again?"

He rested his hands on either side of her waist and propped his chin up on her shoulder. "I've only been struck by your beauty."

"Uh, huh."

The click of Glinda's heels signaled her arrival, and Fiyero vaulted away from Elphaba. Resolved or not, Fiyero didn't want a stiletto in his eye. He doubted he'd be attractive without all his limbs attached.

"Morning," Glinda beamed at her friend.

The next second she launched into a squealing hug, and Elphaba fell back against the counter with the blonde clasped around her.

She laughed and freed herself to deposit the carrots for the chef. "I take it you're not mad? About Lahrz and I?"

Glinda giggled, "Elphie, why would we be mad? It's wonderful news."

"Yeah, wonderful," Fiyero grumped. He scowled until Glinda stared at him. He yanked the corners of his mouth into a broad smile. "So happy."

The boy in question strode through the door and gave Elphaba a quick kiss. Fiyero dropped his muffin with a sigh. So much for breakfast.

"Morning, Mom. Morning, Pops. Isn't it a beautiful day?"

"Yep."

"Good basketball weather."

"Uh, huh." Fiyero forced some juice down his throat.

"But I'm sure you wouldn't want to play." Lahrz prodded his father's shoulder, hoping for a reaction. "You must be far too busy for basketball."

"Yep." Too busy wooing his son's fiancee.

Glinda wrapped an arm around Lahrz. "I'm sure Elphaba would go with you, honey. Nothing like a man with muscles. I used to love watching your father play back when he could."

"Hey!" Fiyero took exception to that. "I can still play. It's not like I'm decayed. I'm just busy."

"Of course, dear."

"Fine." Fiyero glared. He'd have to win Elphaba over with his brute physical prowess. "You're on, son. And I hope you brought your glasses so you can watch me streak to the goal."

Lahrz scurried off to retrieve the basketball, and Glinda, arms locked with Elphaba, skipped toward the court. Fiyero chugged a quick glass of juice and hurried after them.

"Miss Glinda!" Boq trotted up, a mess of clanking tin. "What are you doing today?"

"We're watching Fiyero and Lahrz play basketball."

"Wrong." Fiyero thrust out his chest. "You're watching me crush him until he begs for mercy."

The girls rolled their eyes, but Boq fixated on Glinda's face. "Miss Glinda, I'd be happy to escort you."

Her smile twitched, and she edged closer to Fiyero. "Oh. Um. Alright."

Boq held out an arm.

Glinda took a moment to link arms with him, but she didn't release Elphaba. At Glinda's pointed elbow in her side, Elphaba linked arms with Fiyero. The four skipped down the hall, much to the reluctance of the men.

Glinda improvised in a singsong voice, "We're off to see Fiyero play the Wonderful Wizard of Ball."

"What?" Elphaba made a face.

"That's what Lahrz's friends call him." Fiyero opened his mouth, but Glinda cut him off in a stern tone, "On the basketball court, you big jerk. Wizard of _basketball_."

Fiyero sniggered. "Whatever you say."

"That's your son!" Glinda chided. "And Elphaba's fiance." That sobered him in a hurry.

"What about me?" Lahrz jogged up. "Oh, hey, Boq."

The munchkin squeaked a nod. Lahrz turned back to Glinda. "Oh, nothing, son. Your father was being disgusting again. Nothing unusual."

Lahrz took the hint. "Should we get started?" They nodded and cleared the court. "Stupid nickname," Lahrz muttered as the three spectators took their spots. Fiyero shrugged and stretched in what he hoped was a manly display of muscles.

"Let's get this started."

"You can bring it in, Pops."

Lahrz passed him the ball, and Fiyero dribbled it on the court. Before he could blink, Lahrz stole the ball and ran a lay-up to score. Fiyero shook his head.

"That was just a warm up." Fiyero took the ball back, dribbling more cautiously this time.

Lahrz went after the ball again, but Fiyero stayed in control. He feinted right, and Lahrz slid when he dove for the ball. Before he could recover, Fiyero lined up the shot and took it. The ball arched high, headed straight for the basket. Fiyero grinned and shot a look to Elphaba.

Then the ball bounced off the rim with a twang and propelled straight back. Fiyero ducked, and it slammed right into Glinda's face. She catapulted back onto her butt and collapsed into blubbering tears.

They converged over her en masse. "Glinda! Are you alright?" She took Fiyero's arm, stood, and slapped him. "Ow!"

"You jerk!" She traced her cheek gingerly where a knot already started swelling.

He offered a sheepish, "Sorry."

Once they were certain of Glinda's safety, Fiyero inbounded the ball again, determined to crush his son. Lahrz leapt out for the ball. Fiyero swatted it out of the way. It rolled across the court, and they both scrambled for it.

Lahrz reached it at the same time Fiyero did, and they tugged at the ball viciously. Fiyero twisted them around in an attempt to gain some leverage, but Lahrz wouldn't be dislodged.

"Aren't you taking this a little too seriously?" Lahrz grunted, and Fiyero tried to elbow him off the ball.

"You could always let it go," he squeezed out through clenched teeth. Lahrz tugged hard enough to almost topple Fiyero to the ground.

"Ooh-ouch," her squeal turned into a wince as she tested her eye. "Don't they look so manly wrestling for the ball?" Glinda giggled, as if the pair weren't a ridiculous display of testosterone-driven insanity, and Elphaba rolled her eyes.

Boq's eyes froze on Glinda's face, assessing her red cheeks, and he jumped up. "I've got it!" Boq stampeded in, and lost his balance.

He fell with a thud and rolled straight for the pair. Fiyero and Lahrz barely had time to yell before the Tin Man connected with them both, and they slammed into the concrete.

"Oof!" Fiyero drug himself up despite the bruises that screamed in protest. He held a hand to his head as Lahrz struggled up, a hand on his stomach.

Then they caught sight of the other casualty.

"Well, I guess that's all for today." Lahrz toed the flattened ball, and it hissed a pathetic wheeze.

"So…" Fiyero rubbed his neck. "You admit defeat."


	11. Don't Speak

So much for physical prowess. After that basketball disaster, Fiyero realized he couldn't compete with his younger, fitter son.

But in the arts of love and seduction…that's where experience prevailed over youth. Fiyero needed to draw on his experience with women to find the best way to her heart. If only he'd tried a little harder to pay attention to what women wanted. Besides him.

Fiyero had thought for long enough to make his brain feel like so much jelly, without much result. The memory of Lahrz's lips pressed against his beautiful Elphie had tainted most of his thoughts, until only one remained. Envy. If he could make her jealous, then all those old feelings for him would surface.

Fiyero found Elphaba in conversation with his wife and slid his arm around Glinda. "Good morning, darling. You look love-lah!"

She turned her head, and he winced at the basketball-patterned bruise blossoming on her cheek.

He sputtered, "Pretty."

Glinda narrowed her eyes, and then turned back to Elphaba. "I think you should go with peonies."

Elphaba nodded. "You know I'll let you plan the wedding however you want, right?" Glinda's eyes lit up, and Elphaba frowned. "Within reason, of course."

Fiyero leaned over to whisper in Glinda's ear, eyes locked onto Elphaba as he breathed along his wife's neck. "You know, that bruise really brings out the blue in your eyes."

"Ugh!" Glinda slapped him on the opposite cheek. "Jerk."

She stomped off, and Elphaba, shaking with laughter, followed her friend.

He sighed to the empty room, "Scratch that."

Metal crashed behind him, and he whirled, expecting to see Boq, and tripped over the discarded pans. "That's it! I am a chef," Apby snarled. "I was trained by the best masters of the four corners of Oz. Studied since birth. No one of my culinary skill exists in all the world."

"Um, good?" Fiyero tiptoed away from the obviously insane cook.

"This was supposed to be my finest hour - the prestige, the honor of the Emerald City. And the palace, no less." His eyes misted over, "Cooking for the beautiful Glinda the Good. How they all envied me!" Then his eyes settled on Fiyero and narrowed to slits. "You! You would dare direct me, the Great Wizard of Pastry, to scratch you. Like I am some butler!"

"What in Oz are you talking about?"

"First pancakes, and now this! You fiend!" Apby launched at him with hands raised to strangle, and Fiyero yelped. He vaulted from the room and careened down the halls with the mad chef hot at his heels.

Fiyero chanced a look over his shoulders, and Apby's beady-eyed face twisted in a snarl as he leapt. Fiyero squealed, "Help!" He narrowly avoided his pursuer's grasp by ducking around a bookcase. He flung the heavy furniture with all his might, scattering the debris from its shelves enough to make Apby stumble.

He hurtled through the laundry room and flung soap over the floor. Only when Apby reached the open door did Fiyero process that the white powder wouldn't be slippery until wet. He desperately slung armfuls of water from the half-finished washer. Apby charged, undeterred, and Fiyero abandoned his plan for the previous one - fleeing.

His now slick shoes skidded on the hardwood floors, and he slammed into several pieces of furniture. Why did Glinda insist on furniture in the hallway, anyway? He toppled as many as he could to slow Apby, but the man must have found time in his training for hurtles as well.

"I am absolutely _not_ wearing live butterflies."

Fiyero nearly leapt for joy at the familiar voice. "Elphie! Help!" He sprinted toward the voice. With a final burst of speed, he slammed into the door and wrenched at the doorknob, only to be yanked back.

Apby gripped him by the back of his shirt, and Fiyero held fast to the doorframe. Both men strained with all their might. "Did you hear something?" Fiyero croaked an answer, but the collar of his shirt was cutting off his air supply. Fiyero lurched forward in a final play for freedom and abandoned his grip to fling open the door. The fabric ripped, and his weight travelled with the door to slam into a soft cushion.

His cushion groaned, and he looked below him to see Galinda flattened to the ground with him. She glared, and he suddenly wished he were still in the hallway. "He started it."

* * *

Forget jealousy. He would use the old Tiggular charm, and she'd never be able to resist him. Fiyero snuck up behind Elphaba and poised his hand to run through her hair when she turned.

"Ow!" She clutched a hand to her eye. "Fiyero, what is wrong with you today? Are you possessed?"

"Only by your beauty." Fiyero lifted his hand again, and Elphaba flinched. "Every time I see your beautiful face, I have to touch you."

"Then don't look." She brushed past him to the hall, and he fell into step beside her.

"Where are you going?"

"Lunch. Hopefully without any more casualties."

"It's not my fault. I didn't do anything! Really. That chef was crazy. I still can't believe Glinda won't fire him."

"Perhaps it was you crushing her that did it. I mean, it certainly couldn't have helped you any." They reached the kitchen, and he opened the door with chivalrous grandeur just as she stepped forward, banging her toe. She hopped away from his outstretched hand. "You know, I'm starting to feel a little sympathy."

This wasn't working at all.

"There she is." Lahrz appeared from the lounge and put his arms around Elphaba. "You look spectacular, darling." Fiyero sulked in his chair.

"Missed me, then?"

"I pined for you all afternoon."

Fiyero mimed the words back with a snarl. Stupid boy with fancy words.

He sat up straighter. Oh. Maybe that was the best way to her heart. After all, Elphaba had always been brainy. He needed to show her how much smarter he'd become since Shiz.

Lahrz caressed Elphaba's hand. "You look beautiful today. I don't think anyone could ever be half as beautiful as you are."

She blushed. "Shut up."

He squeezed her arm. "You're so humble, Elphaba."

Fiyero jumped in. "Elphaba's downright simian." Lahrz wrinkled his forehead, and Fiyero smirked. That's right. Dead old dad knew some words junior didn't.

"What did you say?"

"Elphaba, you are clearly the most puerile aborigine I know." She crossed her arms. Why didn't she look happy? He pulled out his best compliments. "And I think everyone would agree that you're the most generous philanderer in all of Oz." She fixed him with a death glare. His smooth smile dripped off. "What?"

"You just called me a promiscuous womanizer."

He flushed. "Oh, that's not what I meant."

"And before that," her left eye twitched, "you called me a childish caveman and an ape."

He ducked his head. "I meant it in the nicest way."

* * *

Fiyero needed help. Clearly he wasn't as on top of his game as he had been twenty years ago. Oz, that made him feel old.

He shook it off and knocked on Avaric's door.

Avaric answered it with a drink already made for him. "Something told me I'd be seeing you."

Fiyero leaned against the doorframe, an appreciative smile forming as he took the scotch out of Avaric's hand. "Why do I always find myself outside your door late at night?"

"Um, don't mind me," Gema slipped past them to continue down the hall. "Whatever you guys do is your own business."

"I'm not…!" Fiyero called after her, but Gema just held up a hand. "Great. So the only action I can seem to get is with you."

"Aw, pookie, I'm touched."

Fiyero winced. "Why do you delight in torturing me?" Avaric thought a moment, and nodded. Fiyero shot the drink down in one gulp, and Avaric poured him another.

"So what brings you to me, lover boy?"

"Elphaba."

Avaric kept his face stoic. "Even with the whole…predicament?" Fiyero flopped into a chair. "I'll take that as a yes?"

"I can't help it, Av. I love her."

He nodded. "Like your wife."

"No, not like my wife." Fiyero made a face. "Somehow I don't picture her covered in avacado with curlers in her hair, threatening me with pink high heels."

"Really? I do. It's kinda kinky, if you try it."

Fiyero glared at him, but then couldn't help but think about it, too. The two sat in silent contemplation for a moment. "Anyway, I have to get her back."

"Okay, so what's the plan?" Fiyero's face dissolved into despair, and Avaric laughed. "Okay then, what did you try already?"

"I demonstrated my physical prowess."

"Which I'm sure went great."

The sarcasm was lost on Fiyero. "No, Glinda slapped me."

"You flirted with Elphaba in front of your wife?" Fiyero nodded. "Oh, Lurline help me."

"Then I tried making her jealous."

"This keeps getting better and better." Avaric held a hand over his eyes. "And then?"

"Glinda slapped me."

Avaric refilled his scotch with a patronizing smile. "You already said that."

"No, no," Fiyero took a sip. "She slapped me again."

Avaric doubled over in laughter. "Can I just say that you are doing spectacularly?"

"Then I poked her in the eye and called her an ape and a caveman. And I think I accused her of being gay."

"You what?"

"It was an accident!" Fiyero wailed, and his gestures flung his scotch onto Avaric's sofa. "Sorry."

"Sometimes I worry for your safety, you know that?"

Fiyero buried his head in his hands. "What should I do?"

Avaric handed him a towel. "Don't worry. I have an idea."


	12. Love and Marriage

AN: Sorry so long for so short. I'll post more when I'm done being sick.

* * *

Fiyero scanned the hallway, careful to keep the flowers behind his back. He tiptoed over the squeaky board, and edged his way past the bathroom.

A blonde head of hair nearly collided with his face when Glinda appeared in the opposite doorway, but she turned her back on him without incident. She must not have noticed him.

He sighed in relief. Fiyero took a couple steps past the door she'd come from, and collided with the ground, tackled by some giant cold thing. He struggled to regain his bearings and stumbled back to his feet. What in Oz was that?

Boq. He should have known.

"What are you…?" Fiyero examined the oily footprint staining his new shoes. "Aw, man!"

The flowers lay in pulverized chunks scattered on the ground. "Sorry, didn't see you there."

But Boq's shifting eyes gave him away. "Uh, huh. Could you at least help me up? I think you broke a rib or something."

"Don't be a baby." But Boq offered him a hand up. He stared at the unintentional potpourri. "Guess Glinda won't get her flowers."

Fiyero ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. Because of course they were for Glinda. Who else would they be for?" His shrill laughter expressed more anxiety than mirth.

"Well, good," Boq barked. "She deserves flowers from someone who loves her." The emphasis on the ending phrase caught Fiyero a little off guard. Did Boq know something?

"Yep. She does." He swept the bits of flowers into a pile and scooped them into his hands. "And of course, I do. She's my wife." He laughed again and grinned with far too many teeth.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't rub it in." Boq stomped through his pile of debris, and it fluttered everywhere again.

Unperturbed, Fiyero took what he could and continued toward the salon where Elphaba waited. He finally reached the door, and sighed.

Glinda turned around, face in a frown. "What's that?"

"Here." Fiyero sighed. He deposited the armful of petal shards into her hands. "These are for you," his voice unapologetically flat. "A token of my love."

She made a face. "Uh, thank you, dear. They're…colorful."

"Yeah, sure."

Stupid wife ruining his love life.

* * *

Fiyero lit the candles on the table.

Any minute now.

He set the two plates on the table and admired his handiwork. He'd done his best to cook a romantic dinner, but with his severely limited culinary skills, he'd only managed grilled cheese.

But it was the prettiest grilled cheese this side of Kumbricia's pass, if he did say so himself.

He heard footsteps and ran to open the wine. Prepare to be dazzled.

"Did Chef Apby leave again?" Fiyero spun around to see his son looking very confused. "And why are the lights off? Electricity go out?"

"Um," Fiyero ran his hand through his hair. "Not exactly."

Lahrz stared at him for a second, and then blushed. "Oh! Um, Pop, Momsy went shopping. She's not going to be home for dinner."

"Grea…" Fiyero swallowed the word into a cough. "Oh, really?" So Glinda wouldn't be around to spoil his plans. Now how to get his son to leave before Elphaba got in…

Lahrz clapped his hand on his father's shoulder. "I guess she forgot to tell you. She kidnapped Elphaba to buy "Press Conference outfits.' But I'm sure she'll love that you went to all this trouble for her."

"Huh? Oh." Lahrz thought this was all for Glinda. Fiyero didn't have to work hard to sound disappointed. "Oh well. Maybe we'll get another chance some other day."

"You gonna be alright, Pops? You seem kinda bummed. I can stay if you want."

"No, I'll be fine, Lahrz. Thanks," his voice dripped with insincere sensitivity. "I'd better get all this cleaned up."

Lahrz shot him a pitying look and ducked out to the hallway. Boq clattered past the open doorway, processed the sight of the candles, and banged back in. He fought to portray a casual air. "Glinda around?"

"They went shopping."

"Damn."

"I know, right?"

Boq shook his squeaky head. "Women."

Fiyero sighed and flipped on the lights. He held out a plate to his metal menace. "Grilled cheese?"


	13. Double Torment

AN: I'm sooo sorry it's taken me forever to update. My new year's resolution is to reform my absentee-story updating ways. Many thanks to Incapability for the reminder and the concern.

* * *

"Come on, Glinda. I'm begging you." Fiyero plodded after his wife as she made her way back to their room.

"You're wearing the tie, and that's final."

"But…"

"No buts." She kicked off her shoes and draped her necklace on the counter.

He did a double take.

"Where did those come from?" Fiyero poked at the flowers in the shiny blue vase, and Glinda smacked his hand away. "I didn't give you those."

"I know. You gave me flowers that looked like they'd been fallen on." Fiyero fingered his collar as she fussed with her arrangement. "I threw those out. These are from Boq."

"Boq! But…" His ego finally processed what she'd said enough to be wounded. "You threw away my flowers?"

"Fiyero, they were awful. What did you expect me to do with them?"

"I don't know," he pouted. "I was trying to be nice."

"And you were." She patted his cheek. "But honestly dear, you didn't expect me to keep them, did you? Where someone might see?"

"Who would see our bedroom?" He flopped to his armchair, arms crossed.

"Sitting area, dear. And don't pout. It gives you wrinkles."

"I wouldn't pout if you wouldn't replace my flowers with that metal menace's."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. Your flowers just didn't measure up to Boq's, honey. That's all."

Fiyero scowled. "Size isn't the only thing that matters."

"Yes, dear." Glinda shifted a daisy closer to the front. "But Boq's really make an impression, and let's face it, yours just didn't get the job done. It's nothing to make such a fuss over."

"Well, fine," Fiyero leapt up from his chair. "I guess I'll go find someone else that can appreciate my flowers."

"Honey…" Glinda called after him, but Fiyero stalked around the corner and straight to Avaric.

"It's not fair," Fiyero whined when Avaric answered the door. "My flowers are every bit as good as Boq's."

"Yes, they are," Avaric nodded. "What are we talking about?"

"Boq gave Glinda flowers."

"Glinda," Avaric seemed to begin to understand.

"Can you imagine the nerve of him? Seducing my wife in my own home when he's already married." Fiyero leaned his head back and remembered the original reason he'd planned to see his friend. "Before I forget, can I borrow your lock pick? I'm going to break into Elphaba's room tonight."

"Wait, what? Why?"

"Nothing else is working. I can't take it anymore. I've got to know one way or the other."

"If you say so." Avaric shook the now empty bottle of scotch. "You, my friend, have either got to get more alcohol or fewer problems."

He laughed, and then clutched his side. "Damn Boq tackling me."

"Huh?"

"I can't believe that guy." Fiyero rubbed his side. "He's totally out of control – stalking her and trying to get her alone to seduce her."

"Like you're chasing Elphaba." Avaric pressed his fingers to his lips. "Am I the only one who sees the irony?"

Fiyero sputtered, "That's different."

"Why's that?"

"Well, for one I'm not metal." Avaric rolled his eyes.

"Why does it bother you? I thought you wanted Elphaba?"

"I do." Fiyero pressed his fingertips to the bridge of his nose. "But Glinda's my wife. I love her, too."

"You're a greedy bastard, anyone ever tell you that?"

Fiyero grinned. "As if you're any different?"

Avaric shrugged. "I suppose calling a man a greedy bastard is somewhat redundant."

"You were smart to choose the bachelor life. Women are far too much trouble."

"Says the man trying to double his dose of them."

* * *

Fiyero tiptoed down the hall, careful to check each doorway for lurking metal munchkins, but everyone was still asleep. He'd loitered in the hallway to verify Elphaba was in the guest room, and he had Avaric's lock picks all ready.

His heartbeat pounded as he reached her door and pressed her ear to it. The thick wood hid most of the sound, but he thought he heard her voice. He smiled. Glinda had mentioned Elphaba used to mumble in her sleep.

He couldn't believe he was going to do this. His hormones pushed down the tiny whisper of conscience that tried to argue, and he concentrated on how happy they would be together. Elphaba had to love him back. He would convince her. A smile crept to his face as he considered how…

And she was waiting, inside one tiny little lock.

He fiddled with Avaric's lock pick with a sudden wish that he'd been as scandalacious as his reputation in school. He poked himself twice before figuring out how to insert it, and another ten minutes wiggling it around to line it up. All that remained would be one little torque…

But the pick wouldn't move. Fiyero sighed. He'd have to start all over. He tried to withdraw the lock pick, but his handiwork had it good and worked in. A twist, a pull, nothing seemed to dislodge it. Fiyero decided to use all his strength to pull it free, and with one hand on the doorknob, he yanked. And the doorknob turned.

It hadn't been locked in the first place.

His surprise at the sudden admission into the room distracted him for a moment from the sight on the bed. A sight he definitely did not want to see.

Elphaba arched her hips, hair spilling down her back. "Lahrz!"


	14. That Bridge

AN: See, I'm reformed! Thanks for all the reviews.

* * *

Fiyero stared in shock, and he could practically hear the sizzle as the unwanted image seared into his mind. Appalled, he stumbled back, not bothering to close the door, and ran.

He fled through the palace as if he could escape the memories taunting him from his mind. Beautiful, perfect Elphaba moaning over his son.

Disgusted, he vaulted to the bathroom to vomit.

This couldn't be happening. This had to be a nightmare. How would he be with Elphaba after his son had…been with Elphaba? He shuddered as the bile rose again.

How could she? He could have sworn she felt the same feelings he did. They had a deep connection that no one else could fill. How could Elphaba sleep with his own son? Didn't she have any feelings for Fiyero? Didn't she want to be with him at all? How could they be together now?

He planted his face on the cool tile floor. He had never felt so devastated, so confused in all his life. Did he still want her? His heart confirmed that he did even as his gut twisted again. Did she want him? He thought of all the little looks, the subtle intimacy the two shared. He would wager his entire life's fortune that she felt at least something for him.

But how could he? The image swam up again, and Fiyero batted it down ferociously. Could he ever sleep with his son's ex-bed partner?

He pushed the thought away, disgusted with himself when the answer wasn't obvious.

One way or the other, he had to know how she felt, and then they could cross that bridge when they got there. If he didn't throw himself off it first.

* * *

"Can I talk to you?"

Fiyero blinked up at Elphaba as if she were a ghost. Maybe fate had decided he had suffered enough. He nodded limply and trailed after her.

Two feet down the hallway, Gema bustled toward them from the other end, gesturing a warning, and Elphaba pushed him flat against the wall. Fiyero hung his head, depressed that he couldn't even work up some excitement for her hand pressed into his chest.

"Gemamarianne-Rosalie! You get back here this instant! I will not have you traipsing around dressed like a trollop no matter how heartbroken you are over that young man!"

Gema rolled her eyes and gestured toward her fully-concealed figure. "Yes, I'm a hussy if ever I've seen one. And I am NOT heartbroken over Lahrz. I think he and Aunt Elphie look cute together."

He winced at her words as he desperately tried to blank out the tormenting images. He squeezed his eyes shut until he saw enough stars to rival the memory.

"Don't you get cute with me. As soon as I find your father –"

"He'll what? Not care?" Gema crossed her arms, highlighting the family resemblance, and Nessa let out a huff of annoyance. She gripped Gema's ear firmly and tugged her in the opposite direction.

"None of that lip from you, missy."

Gema hissed and mouthed to Elphaba, "Save yourselves." Nessa tugged at her ear again, and Gema complained, "Ouch, Mom! Cut it out!"

With a sudden wrench, Gema broke free and tore down the hall in the opposite direction. "You get back here this instant!" Nessa hollered after the girl in hot pursuit, and Fiyero leaned his head back against the wall in relief. He couldn't handle more pressure right now.

Elphaba grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the salon. He let his fingers mournfully trace over hers until she dropped his grip and shut the door. He shuffled toward a chair, eyes trained on the floor.

"What is this?" Elphaba hissed as she tossed the lock pick down in front of him. "You tried to sneak into my room! Are you crazy?"

"Quite possibly," he admitted. His shoulders felt permanently slumped, weighted by the knowledge he'd been stupid enough to obtain.

"Why?"

"I love you." The words probably could have been more convincing if he didn't sound so dead inside. "I wanted to be with you."

She stared at him. "Fiyero, I'm engaged to Lahrz. Your son."

"Don't you think I know that?" His anger flashed in his eyes. "Don't you think I'm acutely aware of your relationship with my son? But, Elphaba, you mean everything to me. I've already lost you twice. Twice. I can't do it again. I need you."

"Need me? What are you talking about?" She waved her hands hysterically. "You want to steal me from your son? Your own son!"

"I know he's my son! You can stop reminding me!"

"Can I?" Her face hovered in front of his as she poked his shoulder after every sentence. "Can I stop reminding you? Why? So you can feel better about this? What is wrong with you?"

His voice softened and the simplicity of his answer. "I love you."

"You're married! To my best friend!"

"I know!" He caught her hand, fingering the ring he wished matched his. "I know. And I shouldn't love you, I really shouldn't. And sometimes I wish I didn't. But I do. I can't help how I feel."

She took a few steps back to pace and struggled to calm down. "Look, Fiyero. There might have been a time for us when we were younger, but not now. Not like this."

"When we were younger? There's never been a time for us," his bitterness sharpening the words. "Between Glinda and Morrible and the Wizard hunting you down, and your damned isolation, when has there ever been a time for us?"

Her face held her regret there for him to see. She cupped his cheek in her hand and ran a thumb over his lips. "Then maybe we're not meant to be."

His heart cratered, radiating all the way out to his face, which crumpled. "Elphaba…but…" She hushed him with a finger on his lips as her eyes started to well with tears. He slid his arms around her waist reflexively, pulling her to him. "I can't-"

"Fiyero? Elphaba? Where are you?" The door opened behind them. "It's time to – oh." Glinda's voice stumbled, and the pair turned to see everyone gathered in the hallway beyond.

Elphaba blushed, and Fiyero knew his face must have the guiltiest expression ever. Elphaba dropped her hand from his lips and took a step back. He cleared his throat. "This isn't what it looks like."


	15. Explain

Glinda advanced to them with her face set. "Dearest, I can expl…" He didn't even get the words out before she slapped him. He should have gotten used to the sting by now. Or learned to duck.

Lahrz blinked at them in shock. "Whoa, what did I miss?" Glinda's scowl never shifted from the pair, so he tried again with a nervous edge to his question, "Elphaba? Pops? What's going on?"

Glinda's voice was lanced with bitterness. "Isn't it obvious? It's like Shiz all over again! He's always trying to run off after her!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Your father. He's always been in love with Elphaba." Fiyero started to argue, but Glinda glared. "Always."

Lahrz leaned against the doorframe, and chuckled. "I see. If you expect me to fall for a practical joke on the day we announce our engagement-"

"It's not a joke!" She whirled to glare at Fiyero again. "Or I guess it is, only I'm the butt of it, huh? All those years of marriage, just one big joke."

Lahrz scowled, clearly confused. Fiyero sighed, "Glinda, don't be like this. You know it wasn't."

"Like poop." Glinda spat out. She turned to Lahrz. "Your father chased her for years, you know, when she was running from the Wizard, and when she came back, he tried to leave with her."

Lahrz turned to Fiyero as if begging him to explain it away. "Pop? Is that true?"

"Nothing happened, son." Fiyero ran a frustrated hand through his hair, punished without even the benefit of the sin. "We were just talking."

Glinda's face contorted. "You liar. You make all these promises and say all these things, but they're never true, are there?" He reached out to her, and she pulled back, her face crumpled. "The only one you've ever cared about is her."

"That's not true," he implored, but she shook her head.

"I'm done with your denials, you…you…you…philanthropist!"

"Philanderer," Lahrz corrected automatically, and Glinda let out a half-sob at the word.

"Hey! I am not gay!" Fiyero scowled, earning an odd look from Elphaba and Lahrz. "I don't care what Gema thought she saw…" Their frowns only deepened, and he blushed. "Never mind."

Glinda's lower lip trembled. "How could you, Fiyero? You promised. Didn't you promise?"

"Nothing happened!" he repeated emphatically. "Honestly. Nothing. Happened."

She scoffed, "But not for lack of trying, right?" Her hard look through hurt tears worked a sucker punch to his guilt, and he knew it showed clear on his face. She sighed at his expression as if resigned to her fate. "How long, Fiyero? How long have you been with her behind my back?"

"It's not like that," Elphaba blurted out. She held out a hand to Lahrz who backed up distrustfully. "Lahrz…"

Elphaba's hand hung there, neglected, for a long breath of silence before it dropped limply to her side.

Fiyero decided to come clean. This was his fault, not Elphaba's. She shouldn't have to suffer for his idiocy. "Lahrz, son, I swear to you. I only _wish_ something happened."

"You…you…I can't think of anything bad enough to say!" Glinda slapped him again and threw herself into the next available pair of arms. Boq fought a grin.

"So it's true?" Lahrz turned to Elphaba, whose face could be a textbook description of horror. "You and my father."

"We didn't do anything," Fiyero tried to interrupt, but Elphaba nodded.

"We had feelings for each other." Her whisper quieted the room until a suffocating silence deafened them. "It was in the past, though, Lahrz, and I didn't think it would still matter now. I never thought this would happen." Lahrz shook his head as if he could make it all go away, and Elphaba clasped his reluctant hand in hers. "Lahrz, I love you. I would never hurt you."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lahrz stared at her as if he didn't know her. Elphaba mouth opened, but she didn't have an answer. Lahz nodded and pulled his hand away. "Whether you were with him," Lahrz shut his eyes to the thought, "or not."

"I wasn't!" Her eyes widened desperately. "Of course I wasn't."

"Regardless, you clearly didn't trust me to know."

"Lahrz…" She held out her hand, but he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Elphaba. I don't think our marriage would be anything without trust."

She pressed her lips together to suppress a shiver, "No. Lahrz, don't."

"I can't marry you, Elphaba. Not like this. I'm sorry." Lahrz ran a hand down Elphaba's cheek, and then pushed through the others and out the door.

Nessa leaned to Glinda. "Now that Lahrz isn't marrying Elphaba, you think he would reconsider Gemarianne-Rosalie?" Glinda burst into a fresh wave of tears. "I was just asking. We can talk about it later."

Boq rubbed Glinda's back with a leaden hand and a broad grin buried in her hair. "Don't worry, Glinda. I'm here for you." He perched on the arm of a chair and tugged her into his lap.

Fiyero glared at Boq, and Nessa wheeled on Fiyero. "And what were you thinking?" She launched into a diatribe about the importance of marital vows that glazed over everyone's eyes.

"Me? What about…" Fiyero gestured toward where Boq stood groping his wife's side, but Nessa didn't even turn. He sighed, "Fine." He pushed past her self-appointed judge to kneel in front of his wife. "Glinda, baby. Please don't cry."

"There they are," an unfamiliar voice spoke. "I guess they moved it."

A couple dozen strangers swarmed into the lounge, packing the smaller room with cameras and notepads.

The press conference.


	16. Tsunami

Fiyero watched as Elphaba's face contorted, but she managed not to cry. She wrapped her arms around herself. "Elphaba…" He held out his hand as a physical apology.

She scowled at his hand as if it were a viper and brushed past him. "Lahrz, wait!" She jogged after her ex-fiancé, disappearing down the hall in a wave of ebony hair that felt oddly similar to her last broom ride. Somehow she always looked the same leaving him.

Glinda shot him another tear-stained grimace before Boq escorted her out. Fiyero noted bitterly the tin hand resting too low to be polite on his wife's hip. Nessa spared him another haughty harrumph on her way to follow, but Gema had to be hauled out by Avaric.

Avaric leaned down to whisper, "Kind of ruins the whole effect if you stay."

"Why do we have to go? I want to see what he's going to come up with," she whined. Avaric sighed and grabbed her arm. "Alright, alright. I'm going."

Fiyero gaped at him, but Avaric shook his head. "You knew it might come to this." Chastised by even his own confidant, Fiyero couldn't work through his own guilt enough to feel properly betrayed. He hung his head and nodded.

He didn't have long to contemplate his sins before a man cleared his throat behind him. "Pardon me, sir, but what is going on? Isn't there a press conference today?"

Fiyero bit his lip. How could he explain this? He couldn't say the engagement had been called off on the very day it was to be announced. And if he didn't, how would he explain all the crying?

The roomful of critics fixed their shrewd eyes all on him. He almost felt his flesh being flayed right from his bone. "I…well, you see…" He cleared his throat. "What I mean is…Is it hot in here to anyone else?" He tugged on his collar. "Would you excuse me for a moment?"

The crowd erupted in questions, but Fiyero ducked out in the hall before anyone could prevent it.

He paced around the corner, his hand on a continuous circuit through his hair. Why couldn't he think of anything? This is precisely why Glinda always handled their press affairs. To be honest, they'd always seemed a little predatory to him. Or was that his bias held back from Morrible's horrible shams?

Perhaps he could postpone this.

"There he is!" A swarm of flashing cameras and hard-faced reporters surged around the corner. Fiyero had always considered himself, if not clever, certainly not cowardly, but he took one look at the onslaught and fled.

Drawing on the past week's worth of pursuits and chases, Fiyero dodged with an agility that would have made an Ozlympian proud. With a final back-bending slide past the lowered ironing board and around the open dryer door, Fiyero skidded across the hall and crashed shoulder-first into the kitchen door.

He flung it open and slammed it shut. With a winded breath of relief, he snatched a nearby baker's rack to blockade the door. What else could he use?

"Fiyero?" The watery voice snapped him out his mission, and he spun around to face a room full of those who had left him there, save his son and intended.

"What are you doing?"

He pressed his back to the obstructions, wondering if it would be worth it to dig his way back out. "Nothing."

"Clearly," Nessa rolled her eyes at him, and Fiyero fought a scowl.

"It's alright. Don't cry now, Glinda," Boq rubbed Glinda's back with an exceptional bright smile on his face.

Fiyero growled and pushed Boq away. "Could you just stay off her? Oz! She's not a piece of meat."

Glinda sniffed, "Just because I'm not meaty to you anymore doesn't mean no one likes my meat."

"Oh, baby." His face melted at the hurt in her voice, and he gently combed her hair back over her ears. "I like your meat just fine."

"You do?" He nodded, and she sniffed again. "Then why would you go chasing some other girl's…meat."

Gema leaned over to whisper to Avaric. "We're not still talking about meat, are we?"

"No, but it's making me hungry."

"Me, too. Oh! Let's make popcorn!" She bustled around the kitchen and set to work. "Oz, this family should keep popcorn on hand ready-made."

"Look, she doesn't want anything to do with you," Boq pushed him aside, and Fiyero wished the little twerp had never been turned into an invincible pile of tin. He'd learned the hard way Boq would win in any fight against flesh and bone. Perhaps Elphaba could change him into something else just to wipe the smirk off that squeaky face just once.

"Why don't you stay out of it, Boq?" Fiyero gritted his teeth. "Don't you have a wife to tend to?"

"Oh, like you?"

Fiyero stared into Boq's beady little eyes. "Yeah. Only I'm at least trying to ask mine for forgiveness."

"She doesn't want to forgive you."

"Why don't you let her talk for herself?"

Glinda finally stepped in, "Boys! Cut it out."

"Yes, dear," they both muttered, and Nessa narrowed her eyes at her husband.

Gema elbowed Avaric with a wicked smile on her face. "Isn't this great? I think my mum might actually kill someone today."

Boq slung a protective arm around Glinda's shoulders, and Fiyero fought to control his temper when she didn't shrug it off. "Can we at least talk about this?" Fiyero shot a pointed look at their self-appointed chaperone, "Alone?"

Glinda shook her head. "I can't think what you'd have to say to me that could remotely forgive you, but if you can so totally embarrass me in public, you can certainly explain yourself in public."

"Fine." Fiyero gritted his teeth at Boq's smug grin. "Can you at least give her some room to breathe, or must you totally smother her?"

"She's not complaining," Boq smoothed a hand down Glinda's arm. "And someone should comfort her after your atrocious behavior."

"You want to talk atrocious?"

"Fiyero, enough," Glinda sighed. "Did you want to talk to me, or take this out on Boq some more?"

"You," he failed to keep the sullenness out of his voice, and she made a hassled face so eerily similar to their early years of marriage that he had to blink.

"So talk."

"I'm sorry."

"So you said." She made an unimpressed face, and he bit his lip. He was losing her. And vulture-Boq was circling in for the kill.

He took her hand in his and prayed his sincerity showed on his face. "And I'll say it a million times if need be until you believe me. Glinda, please. I'm so sorry. Don't let him," her warning look sent him scrambling from another litany of complaints against Boq. "Please believe me. I've never meant anything more in my whole life. I never meant to hurt you. And I know I did. And I'm sorry. I am truly, deeply sorry."

"I don't know, Fiyero." She couldn't be serious. She couldn't actually be considering a life with Boq over him, could she?

A deep desperation flooded him at the thought of losing her, deeper even than when he'd lost Elphaba that day in the throne room. This was his wife – the mother of his child. He'd built a life with her. He'd spent decades waking up next to her every day. How could that all be over? How could he lose her to such a worthless excuse for scrap metal?

If his memories of Elphaba were a flood, the ones of Glinda were a torrential tsunami of biblical proportions. It drove him physically to his knees, and he pulled her hand to his heart with the ferocity of a man drowning.

"I can't believe that. Deep down I'm sure that you love me, not that stupid tin can."

"What? Fiyero…"

He dismissed her denials with a palm. "I know all about Boq. The flowers, always trying to get you alone…"

Glinda shook her head. "Fiyero, he's married."

"Like that would stop him."

Boq glared. "Just because it didn't stop you doesn't mean I'm a philanderer also."

"Can we just stop using that word?" Fiyero growled. "At least until I know what it really means."

"It means you're a liar," Boq hissed, "and a cheater. Why should she trust a cheat?"

Fiyero grimaced. "For the nine-millionth time, Elphaba and I didn't do anything. We only talked. We didn't even kiss. Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened."

"Not that it was your choice about it, I'm sure."

Fiyero adopted a superior pose. "Well, if we're talking about intentions, you might not want to be throwing any stones."

"You can't prove anything."

"More popcorn?" Gema whispered to Avaric, the kernels clinking in the bottom.

Fiyero called Boq's bluff. "Then tell Glinda you don't have feelings for her, that you haven't been trying to seduce her all week."

Glinda shook her blonde curls. "Fiyero don't be ridiculous. Stop projecting."

"I'm not projecting! He has been, really." She gave him a disbelieving look. "How else do you explain the flowers? The moping after you? The spying?"

"I admit," Boq said finally with a less than subtle side step away from Nessa, "that Glinda is beautiful, gracious and good. She deserves a flock of admirers – not just a philandering husband."

"I did not philander! I just tried to win back an old love from my son before he announce their engagement." He pulled back. "Okay, that sounds bad."

Avaric set a hand on his arm. "Maybe you'd better stop helping."

"So you were trying to win Glinda away from Fiyero?" Nessa cornered Boq, her big brown eyes stabbed into him like a lance.

Boq winced. "Only a little."

Nessa whacked Boq over the head, punctuating each word with a thwack. "What did I say about seducing other trollops?"

Boq rattled to his feet, hand to his heart. "But she's my true love, my other woman, the one who got away!"

"I don't give a fig's patukis!"

Avaric leaned over to Gema, "Do figs really have a patukis?"

"Nah, 'figs' is plural. So…patukii?" Gema's face lit up. "Now shut up. I love this family!" She held out the near-empty bowl of popcorn for his handful.

"You really didn't notice his flirting?" Fiyero asked Glinda, incredulous.

"Of course not. I would have told you if I had." She jutted out her chin. "Some of us happen to actually be happy in our current relationships."

Fiyero eyed her disbelievingly. "So I had nothing to be jealous about?"

"Certainly not," Glinda sniffed. "I am not a philanderer, er, philanderess. Philander-ita?" She tilted her head as if puzzling out the conjugation, and Fiyero smiled. She was clearly the woman he'd married.

"Glinda, dearest." He knelt in front of her again. "It shouldn't have taken some pointless jealousy for me to realize how important you are to me, but I at least I do now. Please forgive me. I can't imagine life without you."

"Then why…" She sniffed and a new wave of tears rose in her eyes. "Why were you trying to replace me with…"

"Baby, no." Fiyero smoothed her hair back. "I never meant to replace you."

She frowned, and Avaric took a step beside him. "For what it's worth, he didn't. He's just one deeply greedy bastard."

She fluttered her eyelashes in a moment of hope. "He is?"

"Of course I am!" Fiyero gave her his most pitiable look. "I'm a greedy foolish loser who doesn't deserve you. Take me back?"

"When you put it that way…" Gema made a face. "How could she say no?"

Glinda sniffed. "But you don't love me anymore."

"Of course I do. I never stopped loving you." She gave him a look. "I just love Elphaba, well, too." Fiyero took her hands in his. "Please Glinda. I can't lose you. It would absolutely devastate me."

Nessa scoffed. "What did you think would happen?"

"I didn't think, alright!"

"Surprising."

Fiyero felt it all slipping though his fingers. Now he had no one. "Glinda, honey, please. What can I do to make you forgive me?"

"I think you have someone else who deserves your apology first." He followed her eyes to where Elphaba stood, hollow-eyed, in the doorway.


	17. Apologize

Elphaba's voice came out flat. "Where's your lock pick?"

Stunned, Fiyero shook his head. "I don't know. Why?"

"I need to get that door open. I have to talk to him. I need to convince him to-" Her face burned brighter with each word until he worried that she might explode.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming." He froze and turned to Glinda, "That is, if it's okay with…"

"Oh, now you ask?" He adopted his kicked-puppy look, and she rolled her eyes in such an Elphaba-esque move that he blinked. "Just go." Her eyes flicked to Elphaba with a cautious sympathy. "I'll stall your reporters."

He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand, and Glinda softened into a coy smile.

Then he raced after Elphaba. Her long legs didn't exceed his in length, but as she strode down the hall, he had trouble keeping up. "Look, Elphie, about today."

She turned fiery eyes on him. "Don't you dare say a word. I think you've caused me more than enough trouble."

He bowed his head. "I have. And I'm sorry. I swear I will never do something as foolish as this again." She stopped mid-step to stare. "Okay, I probably will, but not on purpose."

She gave a curt nod. "The pick?"

"I, uh…" Fiyero rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know where it is. Probably in the salon still, and I wouldn't recommend going back for it."

"Surely you have another, or can improvise something. And don't even try that reformed crap with me. Not after all this."

Fiyero flushed. "It's, um, not really mine, per se."

He contemplated a confession of his ineptitude, but the sliver of pride still remaining kept him from it long enough for Elphaba to give a dismissive, "Whatever. Just get the damn door open."

He nodded, and they rushed toward the guest room. They paused only long enough for Fiyero to grab a screwdriver. If it came to it, he could always try to take off the knob. If only the hinges were on the hallway side of the door.

As he sighted the room, Fiyero could see the tension rolling through Elphaba.

"Lahrz?" she called from outside. She rested her head against the door, a portrait of hopelessness. "Lahrz, please open the door."

"I can't be with you, Elphaba. I just can't. I'm sorry." Fiyero's heart broke at his son's voice, thick with tears.

"Lahrz, come on," Fiyero tried. "Open the door."

The door rocketed open so fast Elphaba tumbled straight on her face. "You!" Lahrz stormed out, eyes wild. He grabbed a fistful of Fiyero's shirt. "How could you do this? My own father!"

"You're right. I'll understand if you want to hit me." Fiyero turned his jaw to give Lahrz a better target, and his son cocked back his fist.

Fiyero tilted his chin up, determined to make Lahrz see the proof of his remorse. It would be no less than he deserv-

Lahrz slammed his fist into Fiyero's jaw with a loud crack. Fiyero fell back against the opposite wall.

"Ow!" Fiyero rubbed his jaw. "That hurt!"

"Kind of the point."

"I didn't think you'd actually do it! Lurline!" He tested his jaw and winced at the click it made. "Well, at least my boy's not a sissy."

"What are you doing here?"

Fiyero shook his head to clear the pain enough to focus. "Look, I understand if you're mad at me. You should be."

"Oh, trust me. I am."

"But don't be mad at Elphaba. It's not her fault." Lahrz wanted to interrupt, but Fiyero held up a hand, "And I know you think she should have trusted you enough to tell you, but she was right not to. I mean, look at this mess. Are you glad you know now?"

Lahrz scoffed.

"Exactly. Look, you are your father's son. She knew if she told you our pathetic little past, you'd only be jealous over something that never happened. She didn't want you miserable for nothing. Doesn't that count for something?"

"Don't seem like nothing." Lahrz set his jaw. "It seems like my own father trying to seduce my fiancé. Something _must_ have happened between you two. Don't you think that's the kind of past I should have known about?"

"Lahrz, trust me, all we've ever been able to manage between us is a whole lot of nothing and a ton of regret. You don't want that, son. I speak from experience. You don't want to wake up tomorrow or a year from now wishing you'd done something and hating yourself for letting her get away."

"And what about you, Pops?" Lahrz crossed his arms stiffly. "What happens when that year goes by, and you decide you love her enough to try again?"

Fiyero drew in a long breath. "I've had my chance, and I missed it." He shot a look over Lahrz's shoulder to meet Elphaba's eyes. "I know now that the past is done and over with, and nothing can revive it. No matter how much I wish we could or how much I love her. She and I…it was never meant to be."

Elphaba's sad smile translated to a goodbye.

Fiyero clapped a hand to Lahrz's shoulder. "She loves you, son. And do you have any idea how lucky that makes you?"

Lahrz turned to face Elphaba, who gave a hopeful smile. He slid a fingertip down her cheek. "I do."

Fiyero made a face when they kissed and looked away. He could have lived without seeing that. He grimaced at his potential future as constant witness to their affection.

After a long torturous moment, he turned back to Lahrz, only to see him sucking at Elphaba's lower lip. "Ugh. That's enough." He tugged at his son's arm with a hand over his eyes. "What do you say we get back to your press conference?"

They broke apart, thankfully, and Lahrz smiled. "I think that's an excellent idea, Pops. I suddenly have some news I'm happy to share."

Elphaba beamed, and Fiyero pulled a face. "Yeah, yeah. You're very happy and cute. Now let's get to the press conference before your mother has yet another reason to murder me."

When they reached the press conference, they found the others in a rousing game of group charades. Nessa's awkward foot-first walk had the reporters shaking their head. But neither that, nor Gema's swoon, nor Avaric's contortion compared with the sight of Boq, chest thrown out and hand on hip, with a fuzzy mop on his head and a broomstick as a makeshift spear.

"That's right!" Glinda cheered. She pointed to each person in turn, starting with Nessa "Walk," then Gema "Like," Avaric " 'N," and finally Boq "Arjiki."

Fiyero blinked. "I should be offended right now on so many levels."

Elphaba prodded him in the middle of the back, and Fiyero leapt forward. His shuffling feet caught Glinda's attention, and her smile tightened into her public facade. Just when he thought he couldn't feel worse.

"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. Might I present my son, Lahrz Tiggular, and the renowned Elphaba Thropp."

The crowd spattered with applause, and Lahrz cleared his throat. "I'm sure you're all wondering why we've brought you here today." He fixed an adoring look on Elphaba. "I've had the pleasure to work with Miss Thropp for several years now, and I have to say every day working with her is a total joy. She's a true genius, and her insatiable curiosity and innovation are awe-inspiring. Her passion for knowledge is as impressive as it is contagious.

"But I have to admit, we didn't bring you here to announce any breakthroughs or research. Instead, I have a question for Miss Thropp."

Lahrz bent down on one knee, and the crowd let out a collective, "Aw!" He blushed and took Elphaba's hand. She shifted at the sudden attention, but as he rubbed a thumb along the back of her hand, she focused her eyes on his.

"You are by far the most amazing, brilliant woman I've ever met," Lahrz spoke in a soft, intimate tone only carried from the stillness that had held them all. "I can't imagine how lucky I've already been to have you in my life, and I know that I would be an utter fool to ever let you get away." Fiyero rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. "Elphaba Thropp, will you marry me?"

She held his eyes until his face creased with worry, and she rolled her eyes. "Of course you, big lummox! What did you think I would say?"

He grinned and tugged her down for a kiss to the applause and catcalls from the assorted reporters. After a moment, they finally stood, and Lahrz wrapped his arm around Elphaba's waist. She practically radiated happiness, and Fiyero realized again what a fool he was to have tried to compete with that.

Speaking of foolishness… He had to beg Glinda for forgiveness, and if he'd learned one thing in his years of marriage, it was how to grovel. The bigger his screw up, the more embarrassing his apology should be. And nothing was more embarrassing that a public groveling in front of the entire media.

Fiyero cleared his throat, a difficult feat what with his heart being in it. "And I have a question, as well." He took Glinda's hand and adopted a similar pose. "I believe you all know my beautiful and talented wife."

The reporters responded with similar applause and catcalls, to which Glinda graced them with a curtsy. "Oh, goodness."

"I have a confession to make. I have been blessed in several years of wedded bliss with this remarkable angel, and I have to admit I have taken her more than a little for granted." He took both her hands in his. "Glinda, my love, my wife. I know I've hurt you, and believe me when I say I am desperately sorry. I know I don't deserve you, but I beg you, please forgive me. I love you, deeply."

"Do you?" she asked softly, and he squeezed her hands.

He thought of Glinda, of the defining moments in their life together:

Glinda giggling at the bubbles and rice. How his hands shook when he slipped on her ring, and she'd steadied them with hers. How beautiful she'd looked, her hair stringy with sweat at the birth of their son. Her insecurity when she'd accepted leadership for Oz. Her endless faith in him. How angry she'd gotten when he'd broken one of her shoes. And how long they'd made love once he'd convinced her to forgive him.

Sure they'd had problems, but how much of that had been him holding on to a dream of the past? How long had she waited for him to figure out that he'd moved on? That he'd grown? And that she'd helped him as much as Elphaba had.

"I do. Really. I'm just…" He thought a moment before concluding, "I'm just so very, very, very stupid." Everyone bobbled their heads in agreement, and he gave a wry smile. But Glinda laughed, appeased by his public humiliation. "So what do you think? Will you marry me again?"

She smiled and stroked his chin. "Of course not, dear."

His face fell. "Wh-"

She interrupted him, "I'm already your wife. If we had another wedding every time you did something stupid, we'd never have time for anything else."

The room exploded in laughter, and Fiyero pulled her face down to his. "So does that mean I'm forgiven?"

She kissed him soundly on the mouth, knocking him back on his heels. "What does that tell you?"

He smirked, his eyes on her lips. "You know, I _am_ very stupid. Would you mind telling me again? Only maybe a little bit slower."

She grinned and kissed him again. "Yes, you idiot. Yes."

"I was hoping you'd say that." He busied himself with her lips, oblivious to the reactions around them.

Lahrz pulled his fiancé to him for another kiss, and even Gema shrugged and threw herself bodily onto Avaric. "Why not?" she giggled, and Avaric laughed as her lips met his.

"I'm certainly not going to complain." Avaric withstood another of her assaults, and the pair fell backward into the wall.

Boq eyed Nessa for a moment, surrounded by all the kissing couples. He shrugged as well and leaned into Nessa for a kiss. "I'm sorry, too, Nessa. I'm glad you're my wife." Nessa lifted an eyebrow and nodded curtly. Undeteredly, Boq leaned in for a kiss.

"What do you think you're doing?" She whacked his lips away.

"I just thought…with everyone else…we might…"

"Don't push your luck." Nessa rolled her eyes at him. "Disgraceful, all of them."

Fiyero laughter caused Glinda to draw back, questions in her eyes. "Nothing, love." He kissed her again. "Nothing matters except you. From now on. I promise."

She pursed her lips. "Well I certainly hope this works out better than your last promise." He winced.

"I'm a happily married man now, ready to do whatever you say."

"Oh, really?" Her smile looked almost dangerous. "Anything?"

He gulped, and nodded.

"Kiss me."

Fiyero grinned. "Yes, dear."

* * *

AN: There you have it. I can't believe I actually managed to write a piece that wasn't Fiyeraba. Thanks to all of you who read and especially reviewed. I hope I did this challenge justice.


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